Levemir and Humalog, Day 1

I've been pump free for close to 24 hours!
Doesn't that sound weird? It sounds like I'm at an AA meeting or something. Anyway. First, for some good news. My A1c was 7.0%!!!! I was SO happy to hear this. It's WAY down. It's the lowest its been in a while.
I talked to my endo about going back on shots and he didn't even blink. He just asked me if I wanted to use pens or syringes. Have I mentioned I LOVE my endo? He trusts me to know what is best for me. He is there to help me accomplish the best care possible. I dread the day when I have to grow up and use and an adult endo. I think he will let me stay during college though. He was going to put he on Lantus, but the pen with that, as he put it, is "an absolute failure." He said he didn't have many patients on Levemir, but if I was willing, he wanted to try it. It doesn't sting like Lantus can, because it works differently. He explained it, but I couldn't repeat it. Last night at 10.30pm, I gave me first dose. 32 units. It sure looked like a LOT of insulin to give at once. So far, it's going OK. I'm trying to stay positive. I have been higher than I would like, but I don't think the levemir has had a chance to build up in my system. I also don't know how to correct if its been less than 3hours, because I don't know how to calculate insulin on board. Does anyone know how to do this? The injections haven't bothered me so far. What has bothered me is my mother. She was the only one who hasn't been completely supportive of this. She doesn't seem to understand it. But I know she is trying. We talked about it, and she still vividly remembers trying to still a toddler with needles and forcing me to eat meals I didn't really want to. We talked about how the new insulins are different, and how I can still eat what I want whenever I want. I think she'll come around, but for now, she is driving me CRAZY!! She is looking over my shoulder to see what my blood sugar is, she's making sure I prime the needle, that I am injecting before I eat, etc. I know she wants me to keep control, but she hasn't treated me like this for years. I've been in complete control of my D care for years, and I've done very well with it. She seems to think that because I'm not using the pump, I won't take care of myself. *sigh* We'll get there. So other than the highs, and my mother, Levemir is going great! I got out of bed this morning and I didn't have to look for my pump and make sure it didn't fall, I took a shower and I didn't have to make sure my loofa (sp??) didn't get caught in my site. I chose an outfit that I only wear once in a while because the pump makes it bulge funny. It's great!

To stay pumping or not?

I am really struggling with my thoughts right now. As I told in my earlier posts, I am really frustrated with pumping right now. I am sick of the site changes and all that go with them. The skin irritations, the pain, the irritating bubbles, EVERYTHING! I am sick of all the BEEPING! Granted, the beeping is there to help me. I am the one making it beep. I set the alarms to remind me to check after a high, etc. etc. etc. But its the ones that I can't really control that I am getting sick of. I was sitting in church today when the low cartridge alarm went off. And off, and off, and off. It just kept beeping every few minutes or so. It was in a pocket that wasn't really accessible. Finally, after some looks from the woman sitting next to me, I finally got it out and shut the stupid thing up. Now, I could have put it on vibrate, but I hate that I have to think about it. I just want to GO. I am sick of the dealing with the tubing, the complicated procedure of changing clothes and the mechanical failures.
So tomorrow I am going to talk to my endo about going back on shots. I think. I just can't make up my mind. I am fully aware that they won't solve all of my problems, I'll just trade them for new ones. I don't think my meal times will be affected on Lantus, but I don't know. I went from NPH to the pump. Lantus wasn't out when I started pumping. Lantus is a whole new world for me. I will have to take a shot every time I eat. I know that, but I'm OK with that. For now. I also plan on talking to him about different sets, and any other suggestions he may have. Oh, and I get my A1c. I honestly have no idea what it will be, which is kind of frightening. Wish me luck. Hopefully by this time tomorrow I will have some sort of solution, no matter what it may be.

*PS* I just found out that Cozmo just came out with their new clip. It's ABOUT TIME!!! Cozmo users just have to go to Cozmo's website, take a short survey, and they will send you a new clip, for FREE! Yahoo!

Very, very quick update. I promise I'll have a real post coming soon.
My dad went to the surgeon on Monday. No need for surgery!! Just some physical therapy, and a check up in a month. Praise God!
My roommate is in the hospital for surgery. She seems to be doing OK, but it's a hard road.
Thanks so much!!
Spring Break starts tomorrow! Hurray for sleep! ...And an endo appointment on Monday, but we won't talk about that....

There are good side and bad sides to returning back to normal after a horrible streak of highs. The good side: well, I am back to normal, so I feel better. The bad side: When I do go high now, I feel HORRIBLE. I am 286 now, I feel like I should be 400. I am super thirsty. I have a headache. I have "that feeling" in my legs. This is why I'd rather be low than high. A low, sure, it's really scary for about 20 minutes, but after that, it's over with. A high I have at least 2 hours invested before I feel better. A low, I can eat food, and I will feel better. A high, I can drink water. That helps for all of 30 seconds until I am thirsty again.
Oh well. At least I'm not high all the time.
Spring Break is in 10 days. :-)

PS Does anyone know a good way to get a blood stain off of a computer screen? I got mad at my meter, and shook my hand, that was full of blood (bad idea, i know) and it got on the screen. Now it won't come all the way off. I'm laughing pretty hard. I can't believe I did this.

Friends

I love my friends. Yesterday was a really rough day for me. It was insanely busy, and then I got some horrible news. I went to Winter Fantasia Friday night. It's like college prom. I managed to hide my pump. I've never worn it to a formal dance before. Pictures to come later. Saturday, I had to be up at 7am, after about 4 hours of sleep. I worked from 8 to noon on this big fundraiser for the local children's hospital. Then I went home and worked until 6pm with my parents. We got a lot done. On my way out from the dorm, I stopped and checked the mail. Big mistake. Inside was my rejection letter for the nursing program. I kept it together until I got home. I am really disappointed. Nursing is what I always dreamed of doing. I have no idea what my back up plan is. I am going to apply next semester, but after that, I don't know. Nursing is the only thing I want to do with my life. I am a lot less upset now than I was. But I am still devastated. I knew there was a pretty good chance I wouldn't get it, but I didn't really believe it. My friends pulled together to help me. When I got back to campus, they bought me ice cream. They listened to me cry about it. Then they took me to see the on campus movie. They have been so supportive of me. I don't know what I would do without them.
In other news, both my dad and roommate are making improvements. My roommate came back Friday. She does have an infection, but it can easily dealt with an oral antibiotic. My dad is also doing better. The pain is less, but he also has a stronger pain killer. He is sleeping much better. He goes to a neuro surgeon on Wednesday. Thanks for all the prayers!

I have a request. Will those of you who pray please pray for my Dad and my roommate?
My Dad has been having back problems. He has a lot of pain, and even sitting is painful. He goes for an MRI today,and goes to the neuro surgeon Wednesday to see what they can do. Pray they can help him, with out major surgery. If he has to have this surgery, he wouldn't be able to work for 3 months. We farm, so him not working for 3 months means crops don't get planted, which means we will have no income this year. We are all hoping and praying for this to be much less than it appears to be.
My roommate had to leave college yesterday and go back home for testing. She has Crohn's disease. She thinks she has an infection. This infection has put her in the hospital twice before. We are all hoping that she can just be put on oral antibiotics and sent home.
Thanks!
In other news, my numbers have been much more manageable lately. I have seeing a lot less peaks, and that makes me VERY happy.

My range today: 50 to 318. Wow. I'm awesome.
*EDIT*
I just had an "ah ha!" moment. I realized the source of my highs. I'm premenstral. The source of my lows is probably over correcting, or, as some call it, rage bolusing. At least I know what the problem is! Now, I can attempt to fix it. Yahoo!

Sorry to everyone about my last couple of negative posts.
I am just really frustrated right now. I am seriously considering taking a pump break, but I don't know how. I have an endocrinologist appointment in a couple of weeks, and I think I'll ask about it then. Has anyone done think kind of pump break? I'm thinking about doing lantus with a humalog pen. I'm not sure how long. It will probably take me a week or so, and I'll be sick of it. But after 6 years on the pump, I think that maybe a pump break is a good idea.
In other news, my numbers have been HORRIBLE. My average from the past 2 days is 244. That doesn't include today where I've been 234, 137 (wohoo!),273 (I knew it wouldn't last),249, 215, 348 and 361 (site change time!).
Things to look forward to this week: Getting to sleep in for 2 hours on Wednesday, thursday- meeting with a friend from diabetes camp, and saturday: Winter Fantasia (college prom). I am going to focus on these thing this week, and maybe I'll make it!

PS I promise this negative streak won't last forever!

I want to quit.
I know I can't.
I HATE my pump right now. I want to rip out the site and throw my pump through the window.
I just spent close to an hour trying to change my site.
The dry winter weather is getting to my skin. My sites dry out underneath, so I can't use the same area for a long time. My stomach has been very sensitive lately, and site insertions hurt like #(#@*). I like using the area more toward the back, but I have a rash on that area. The area on my arms is plain used up. I decided I was going to try my thigh/hip. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine sticking something 6mm deep into my thigh. I don't know why, I just couldn't get over it. Is there anyone who uses this area with a quick set that could share some tips?
I'm just so FRUSTRATED!!!!
I seriously considered just giving myself a shot and leaving the pump off. I still haven't ruled it out. I know that after like a day, I would be sick of it, so I finally gave up and put the stupid thing in my stomach. I got tears in my eyes it hurt so bad. I had to stand there for a second before I could pull the insertion needle out. I still kind of hurts. I might end up tearing it out, but the last 2 I pulled out were perfectly fine.
UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I'm ranting, I know, but I am EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED!
Now I'm back to studying for my chem midterm......

This is my answer to my lack of boyfriend, compliments of Build-A-Bear. He brings me flowers everyday. He smiles at me all the time. He can not leave, or say anything wrong (or anything right, but that is besides the point).
He is my Mr. Wonderful.

Happy Valentines Day to me!

Failure

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like a failure? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was my first day back to class after Winter Break. I woke up really, really early. Our room was a million degrees. I changed my clothes and went back to bed. I didn't check my blood sugar. Strike one. I got up for class a little early to study for my chem quiz. I didn't really end up studying, but I wasn't really that worried about it. Strike two. As I was about to leave for class, I realized I didn't do an assignment for my Psyc class. I ran downstairs, and quickly fill in the answers off the CD. Strike three. It's a good thing I was going to class early. I got to my first class of the day, chemistry and got my first exam back. I got an 80 %. Not horrific, but I thought it was easy. Strike four. I sit down, and the prof tells everyone to pass their homework in. The homework I knew nothing about, because I never bothered to double check the website. Strike five. In my 10 minute break between chem and psyc, I realize I hadn't eaten anything yet that day, and I was starving. Strike six.. I look in my backpack and I have nothing to eat. Strike seven. Later, I go to my anatomy class. I get yet another exam back, and I got a 77%. That one hurt. Strike eight. He ended up adding 2 points, so it was really a 79. That exam was killer, and everyone did badly.
8 strikes, and the day was only half over. Who is going to throw me out of the game? Please I could use a nap! I also realized yesterday I was taking crappy care of myself. Yeah, that's a bad sentence, but I don't care. I checked myself 4 times yesterday. yes, only 4. I ate pizza, and didn't do an extended bolus. I went about 8 hours at one point without checking. And you know what? I don't really care. I'm trying to do better today, but yesterday, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't tackle the brain memory to test every few hours, to remember to bolus before I ate (I am really bad at that) and to figure out how much I was going to drop that night.
Ahhh. That felt good. I, in a sense, got my day off. It was a crappy day overall. I wouldn't want to repeat it, but it's over now. Yes, I suck. But I'm OK with that.
It's the weekend in 2 days, and spring break in 28.

Happy

Singles

Awareness

Day!

Otherwise known as Valentines day.

I hope everyone had a great day!

I've decided that technology doesn't like me.
My Cozmonitor died today. E4. Consult users Manual. User manual says to call Cozmo. I call them, they say to try changing the battery. I make a trip out to Meijer (kinda like Wal-mart) and pay $1.99 for a new battery. This is the second time I've had this lovely E4 error, and I know full well it's not the battery, but I will make the service people happy and try it anyway. I put the new, shiny battery in, and low and behold, yet another E4 error. I called Cozmo yet again. After waiting on hold, I go through the whole "did it get wet", "did you drop it" thing again. Finally he asks me my shipping address. This has become a tricky question for me. Sometimes I live in the dorm. Sometimes I live at home. Sometimes, like this weekend, I'm on a school break, and I'm at other places. I take and chance and have it shipped to my house. He thinks it will be there Monday. It's a good thing I like that little silver flash meter! It's still a pain, but I think I'll manage.
If there is one thing having diabetes for 17 years has taught me, its the "smile and nod" routine. Oh, your great uncle had diabetes and had both his legs cut off? That's nice. Smile and nod. Oh? There is an herbal cure advertised on Saturday afternoon TV? That's nice. Smile and nod. The customer service guy recommends I put a piece of tape on the end of the Cozmonitor so dust and lint can't get in when it's in my pocket? Smile and nod. (or, since it's on the phone, "ok. I'll try that!") Smile and nod, smile and nod, smile and nod.......

PS For all the mothers out there, I am getting lots of sleep. I went to bed at 10.30 last night. 10:30!! That's crazy early! I am still very tired, but that's about as bad as it's gotten.

Here it comes....

The flu has been going around my dorm.
I haven't been feeling the greatest, mostly I've been really tired.
Now I have a headache and a low grade fever.
The good news: My blood sugar is 166.
The bad news: That basal check I did this morning is now void and useless. UGH!

I. Am. SO. Excited.
I have a room mate for next year.
I don't have to go through the nervous agony of going pot-luck again next year.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my room mate this year. We get along great. We even seriously considered living together next year, but she decided to live with someone else. That left me wondering what I was going to do. Then yesterday, a girl I kind of know came and asked me to live with her next year! I talked to her about the whole, are you OK with needles and blood, and she told me her Grandpa was diabetic. *sigh* We'll deal with the type 1 vs. type 2 thing later. The point is, she's OK with needles and stuff, and I have a HUGE weight off of my mind!
Just wanted to share my joy!

The many adventures of pumping

Grant was delivered today.
The UPS guy kindly let the girl next door sign for it. I'm so glad she told me as soon as I got back. *sarcasm* I had to ask her specifically if the UPS guy had come before she remembered.
I now have 3 Cozmo pumps in my room. That's roughly $18,000 worth of equipment. Yikes!
I took pictures of them. Jeremiah is on the left, Fred is in the middle and Grant is on the right. You can see the bedspread I made in the background. I'm not sure Grant's name is going to stick. I think I like Jeremiah Jr. better. We shall see.....
This morning, my room mate woke me up, saying my pump was beeping. The alarms NEVER wake me up. She often hears them, so she wake me up, and I take care of it. I took out my pump, but it wasn't beeping. Then I heard a beeping that sound a LOT like a pump. I got up and went over to the box that Fred was in. I had forgotten to take out the battery, so the automatic off alarm was going off. It was vibrating and beeping a LOT. It sounded like something was alive inside the box. We (my room mate and I) had a good laugh about it afterwards. I am not the most coherent person in the morning, so the two pump confusion was a little much for my brain.
For the first time ever, my tubing broke off from the cartridge. I was really mad when it happened. 5 minutes before class, and it just broke clean off. That didn't give me a whole lot of time to chance it. I change the site, cartridge and tubing every 3 days. I have no idea why it would just break off like that. Has anyone had this happen to them? What do you do to prevent it?
I went to the mall tonight with my mom tonight. I went low twice. Well, the number wasn't really that low (81 both times) but I sure felt low. After dinner that was sure to make me go high (lemonade and cheesecake, both evil) I tested at 365. After I tested after an hour, I realized the meter was coded wrong. So now I'm wondering if I was lower than 81.
So, yeah. That's the highlights of my day. One pump to another to yet another. A record breaking site change. 2 lows and a very high that left me with a headache and nausea. All in a day's work.
*edit* Does anyone have a good, blank blood sugar log? I hate the print outs from the Cozmo, and the one I have is just so-so.

The short life of Fred.

Fred arrived today. I came back from class, and he was sitting there. I started unpacking him, and my room mate proclaimed his name to be Fred. I looked Fred over. The touch bolus button was different. It was more plastic like. That was a design fault of the older pumps. The button repeatedly fell off. I put a battery in. I loaded an empty cartridge to try it out. Fred just didn't feel like Jeremiah did. I turned them over side-by-side. They looked very similar. I couldn't put my figure on it. I didn't like this new pump. Jeremiah and I had gotten along well for a year and a half. He served me well. I felt foolish. It's just a piece of equipment, but I didn't want him to leave. I started rationalizing why I didn't really need a new pump. A crack in the casing isn't that big of a deal, right? Then I turned the back light on both and held them side-by-side. I knew then what the difference was. The back light of Fred was much dimmer than the backlight on Jeremiah. After another call to Deltec, another new pump is on it's way. Both Fred and Jeremiah will be going back to Deltec tomorrow. Who knows what this new pump will be like? Will it be a boy or a girl? What will it's name be? Why is it that I get so attached to a piece of equipment? Who knows!

:'(

Jeremiah broke tonight. :'( A piece of the plastic casing by the battery broke off when I was putting the battery cap back on. Now I see that there is a crack running down to a seam in the casing. None of my minimed pumps ever did this, but then again, I've had this pump for a year and a half, and none of my minimed pumps lasted that long! I'm calling tomorrow to get a new one. I'm not quite sure how it's going to work, since I'm in the dorm. I'm only here some of the time. I know they can't just leave the pump here, so I'm not sure how they will want to handle it. Now the really, big, important question is: what color should I get?? Should I still with the traditional, yet slightly boring, gray? Or should I be adventurous and get a blue or purple one? http://www.cozmore.com/default.cfm/PID=1.2
Opinions anyone?

*edit* No atomic purple for me. The lady said they prefer that I keep the same color. Oh well, it was worth a shot! (No pun intended) She also said that when a piece falls off like that, they have a higher rate of spontaneously restarting. Yikes! My new pump should be here tomorrow. So now, is the new pump still Jeremiah, or does he get a new name?

I heard of a new diagnosis today.
My mom is on the Children With Diabetes parents list, and Laura's daughter's friends roommate was just diagnosed. I can't imagine being diagnosed at my age. I've lived with it for 17 years. I am emailing her, but I'm not quite sure to say. I'm sure she must be in shock. Is there anyone out there in the OC that was diagnosed as a teen or around that age that could give me some insight? If someone had told you one or two things when you were diagnosed, what would have wanted to hear? I appreciate any help I can get! Thanks to all the OC bloggers out there! (I know you are reading, I have a stats counter now. muahahahaha! lol)

*edit* I really appreciate any input I can get. If you can remember your diagnosis at all, please help me out! Thanks!

A cure in 5 years

I don't know why, but I feel compelled to tell everyone my diagnosis story. I was diagnosed on October 3, 1988. I had all the usual symptoms, but the bed wetting was the most prominent. Before putting me to bed, my mom would put on a regular disposable diaper, a plastic liner and my pajamas. On my bed she would put a sheet, a plastic protector and a mattress liner. I would wet through it all every night. She took me to the doctor. He told me that he thought I probably had diabetes, but he didn't feel comfortable treating a child so young. He told my parents to go home,to avoid feeding me sugar, and to bring me to the hospital the next morning. He didn't realize how sick I really was. My parents could tell that I wasn't myself. Before I loved to talk. I virtually stopped talking. On the ride to the hospital, I said only one thing. I saw a billboard with a puppy on it. I raised my arm, pointed, and said "puppy." My mom still points out that billboard, even though the puppy is long gone. I spent a week in the hospital. My dad couldn't get away from his work on our family farm, so he would come every night. I would scream if my parents weren't in the room. The only time my mom could leave to eat, was when I was asleep and she was sure I wouldn't wake up. We were told the only was we could figure out how much insulin I needed, I had to eat a meal every 4 hours. This meant during the night as well. Although I don't remember it, I can't imagine waking up an almost 2 year old to eat a whole meal of hospital food in the middle of the night. My parents and I left the hospital a week later. My parents had entered the world of protein, fat, carbohydrate exchanges, insulin injections, finger pokes, and strict schedules. Technology has come a VERY long way since I was diagnosed. Blood glucose monitors now read in an amazing 5 seconds. There are amazing new insulins. No more must people deal with NPH, regular, lente and ultralente. The only insulin I haven't been on is lantus. It came out after I started on the pump. We now look forward to continuous glucose monitors. I can't wait to see what new technology they will come out with next. Oh, but wait, there will be a cure in 5 years, right?