Coping

I seemed to have lost you since I stopped posting about diabetes related stuff. Believe me, there is plenty going on. From the fact that my insurance company said I couldn't get any test strips this month because I got too many last month (I've got it partially straighted out), to my bottomless exercise induced lows, to the enduring stress highs. They are all going on, but right now, it isn't top priority in my life like it is sometimes. Right now, I am scared. Not of complications and not of lows. I am scared because Monday an armed gunman killed 32 people on his college campus. He had two hours between his attacks to prepare and ship a package. The rest of the campus was not warned. They went about their business, and some of them were killed later because of it. Now, copy cat acts are springing up all over the place. A friend's high school was shut down today because a student had bomb making equipment in his locker, and planned to use it tomorrow at an all school assembly. Another local community college is shut down for the rest of the week because of a death threat on a professor. There are many more. The possibility that I might not be safe on my own campus is something that never occurred to me. I never thought this would happen in college. People grow up, and grow past their teenage problems, at least many of us do. This is supposed to happen here. The pictures of that man pointing guns at the camera sends chills down my spine. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have that gun pointed at ME. I realize that it is paranoid and unreasonable, but I have found myself wondering what I would do if a gunman entered my campus. Many classrooms have glass doors. There is no way to barricade against those. I found myself anxious about going into the basement of our library today, because there are no windows to flee through. Like I said, I realize these thoughts are irrational, but this is what this tragedy has done to me. Tomorrow, I will wear Orange and Maroon in honor of those who lost their lives. I will heal, I will move on, but I will always remember.