This list was made by a girl a few years younger than I who went to my high school. She was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks into her freshman year. She achieved remission, then relapsed. She had a bone marrow transplant. Then her kidneys started failing, so she had a kidney transplant. The prolonged steroid use damaged both her hips so she had hip replacement in both hips, one at a time. She has recurring Graft vs. Host disease (bad news for bone marrow patients). She has gone through SO MUCH! Yet she is so thankful. I know so often I grip so much it is easy to loose focus of the good things in life. Over this week, I'm going to try and make a list of my own. I encourage you to do the same. At some point, I'll post my list.
Her list:
1. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
2. A hot shower.
3. No lines at the grocery store.
4. Getting mail.
6. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
7. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.
8. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
9. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
10. Laughing/giggling.
11. A good conversation.
12. Finding a 20 in your coat from last winter.
13. Laughing at yourself.
14. Running through sprinklers.
15. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
16. Friends.
17. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
18. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
19. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
20. Playing with a new puppy.
21. Sweet dreams.
22. Road trips with friends..or crazy ones with family!
23. Swinging on swings.
24. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
25. Winning a really competitive game...such as BOGGLE with my mom.
26. Making chocolate chip cookies and eating so much dough you feel sick.
27. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
28.HUGS!!
29. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
30. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
31. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
32. Watching the sunrise and knowing who made it.
33. A special glance.
34. Being able to drink as much liquid as you want after having a kidney transplant...ok so not everyone understands this one..:)
35. Game night.
36. The smell of horses and hay...ok not for everyone :)
37. GETTING OUT OF BED EVERY MORNING AND THANKING GOD FOR ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY!

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

My Thankful list: ( A work in progess)
I have no homework tonight (I know, its a miracle.)
I have a warm roof over my head.
I have friends who support me.
I have a wonderful family who love and supports me unconditionally.
2 bottles of paid for insulin in the fridge.
Technology that keeps me ticking each and every day.
My admission to the nursing program
My endocrinologist who is the best!
My health, kidney condition or not.

A meme

Stolen from Major Bedhead

Explain what ended your last relationship?
Um...yeah. I've always been single. Depressing, I know.

When was the last time you shaved?
Um..Friday.

What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Sleeping!!! :-) I love Saturdays when I have no plans.

What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Reading blogs.

Are you any good at math?
Depends on which kind of math. I'm not bad at Algebra, but I'm lost with geometry.

Your prom night, what do you remember about it?
Junior year was stressful (I was on 2 planning committees). Senior year was more fun. I didn't dance at all.

Do you have any famous ancestors?
Nope.

Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Oh heck yes. I am in dept up to my eyeballs. Luckily, if I work for 5 years as a nurse, I don't have to pay one of them back.

Last thing received in the mail?
A flyer for some event on campus. I don't get much mail.

How many different beverages have you had today?
One. Just water.

Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machine?
Yes, although I always think I sound stupid.

Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
A Christian equivalent of NSync or Backstreet boys. They were called Plus One.

Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
No.

What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
I've never had any dental procedures. I've never had any cavities.

What is out your back door?
I don't really have a back door...I just have the one door and outside of that is the hallway of my dorm.

Any plans for Friday night?
Yesterday I hung out with friends. Next Friday? No idea. I don't plan that far in advance.

Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
I've never seen the ocean.

Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
No

Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yes, in elementary school.

Do you re-use towels after you shower?
I'm a college student. Anything to generate less laundry is a GOOD THING.

Some things you are excited about?
Thanksgiving break!

What is your favorite flavor of JELL-O?
I HATE jello. I think it's because it was a free food when I was little so I had massive amounts of it, and can't stand it anymore.

Describe your keychain(s)?
Two keys: car and house. College keychain, one from Colorado, Chicago and DC.

Where do you keep your change?
A ladybug piggy bank. (It's my i-pod fund. In a few years I might actually be able to afford one).

When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
I have no idea.

What kind of winter coat do you own?
A purple Columbia coat.

What was the weather like on your graduation day?
Sunny, I don't really remember the temp. I think it was nice.

Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed.

I have no idea what I am doing computer, and html code wise. I couldn't even put the code in for the diabetes OC ring. It took me several months to figure out how to put in links. So I need a little help. Why is my about me and all that on the bottom of my page? Any ideas?
My second question is about beta blogger. Should I switch? Is it better, or will it just confuse the crap out of me?
Thanks in advance!

*edit*
Muahahahaha! I figured it out! My post about getting into the nursing program with its six million exclamation points was messing everything up. It's back to normal now!

I REFUSE to be scared.

I had an endocrinologist appointment today. It was really short at just under an hour. My a1c was 7.4. I was somewhat pleased with that number. I expected it be higher, based on my control lately. But I had set a goal for myself of having an a1c right around 7.0. Six months ago, I was there. It has risen every since. First 7.2, now 7.4. The other slightly bad news is that I had protein in my urine. I know it can happen sometimes and not mean anything. I am more worried about what it COULD mean. I am trying my best NOT to be scared. I am 19 and I do not want to be dealing with complications. Dialysis is something that scares almost as much as loosing my eye sight. I refuse to live the next few weeks until I do a repeat test in fear. I can not do that to myself. Odds are, because of where I am in my cycle, (sorry guys) it is nothing. Here's hoping that's true.

D-blog Day

I am taking a class called physiology right now. For those who don't know, it's pretty much the "How things work" for the body. It's crazy hard, but I like it. There is a three hour lab every week where we pretty much run medical test on ourselves. Today was the urine lab.
I dreaded this lab just about as much as the I am dreading the upcoming endocrine lab. What will my class say about my most likely abnormal test results? Which ones will be abnormal? Will I discover some complication today? Will there be blood or protein in my urine? Are you kidneys starting there decline? I'm sure others in my lab were not worried they would have abnormal test results. But I was.
I am a diabetic.
I have long accepted that.
I have been relatively lucky. I have had pretty decent control with not a whole lot of work. Except lately. Lately, is has take SO MUCH WORK! They say (who, I can't remember, but someone said it) that it takes an hour a day to manage diabetes. Some days that seems low, and some days it seems high. But let's think about that. An hour a day, for 17 years. That's 6,205 hours. 258 days. TWO HUNDRED FIFTY EIGHT DAYS!! Think of all I could have done with those days. That's three quarters of a year I could have wasted on something else entirely. Wow. If that doesn't blow you away, I don't know what will. I had another whole point, but I am so blow away by that, I'm just going to wait. 258 days. Gone.

Out of Control

I have had so many things to blog about lately, and absolutely no time to write about them. This week is my catch up week. The competition/choir I was a part of is now done (my class won, in case you were wondering- Go 09!). That gives me an extra couple of hours a night. I got into the nursing program, which is a HUGE relief, but it brings a whole new set of things to do. Next semester is going to be INSANE. I am taking 7 classes. It will be worth it though.
My control has been so horrible. I did not realize how horrible until I downloaded my pump in preparation for my endo appointment Monday. My daily averages have been in the 200's. As high as 260. YIKES! That is horrible. I don't know if it is just because I've been so busy, because I've had(actually still have) a cold or a combo of both. So starting today, i cracked down. Every single carb that enters my mouth is getting bolused for. I am making myself stop and think before I eat, and after I check myself so I can figure out what's going on. I have been merely reacting. I was still testing and bolusing, but just the bare minimum. I have not been proactive about how to prevent huge spikes and valleys. I will not be able to get it reigned back in by the time I go to the doctor on Monday, but at least I will have a plan. Its a good thing I printed the information off. It was a real wake-up call. Once I think back on it, I know I could make myself feel a lot better by lowering my blood sugars. Already today I've seen a little bit of difference in how I feel. Here's hoping I can continue!

I
Got
in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Words can not express how happy I am right now.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, read this

STRESS!!!

My stress level is so high right now. I'm afraid my brain might explode. There is no end in sight. Ok, maybe in a month, but not before. What is stressing my out. Let me count a few of the ways...
1. My 83 year old grandma had knee replacement surgery. Came out fine, today, she is confused and groggy. Not. Good.
2. I am doing this choir type thing at school that involves practice for 2.5 hours EVERY NIGHT.
3. I have 5 test strips left. Friendly supply company called today to say they don't carry them at their store anymore, they have to ship them to me.
4. I now have to make a trip to Walgreens and spend who know how much because the company doesn't bother to let me know!
5.News on my nursing application is due any day now.
6. Midterm grades are due today.
7. I have 3 major exams next week.
8. I am sick. Again.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but put it all together and AHH!!!

This has been another pointless rant by Jen.

Ross man
I don't know who you are, but you just MADE MY DAY!!!
That is AMAZING!! Everyone, go here and click on ross man's name. You will die laughing. I did.

1. Do you still have tonsils?
Yes.
2. Would you bungee jump?
No way!! Heights are one of my biggest fears!

3. If you could do anything in the world for a living, what would you do?
Nursing.

4. How many tattoos do you have?
None.

5. Your favorite fictional animal?
The liger. Not really, I just couldn't come up with anything better.

6. One person that never fails to make you laugh?
My Niece

7. Do you consider yourself organized?
Depends on the situation. For the most part, yes.
8. Any addictions?
Chocolate and certain TV shows.

9 From what news source do you receive the bulk of your news?
Ummmm....you mean there are things going on outside my college? Really? There are things going on outside this bubble?
One in a great while, I turn on the news on TV, but usually I don't get my news from anywhere! Sad, but true.
10. Would you rather go to a carnival or circus?
A Carnival.

11. When you were twelve years old, what did you want to be when you
grew up?
A doctor, and EMT or a teacher

12. Best movie you've seen this year?
Chronicles of Narnia (that was less than a year ago, right?)

13. Favorite alcoholic drink.
Not 21. :-)
14. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?
Shut off my alarm clock and check my bg.

15. Siblings?
2 older brothers, both married

16. What is the best thing about your job?
I can often do homework and get paid for it. :-)

17. Have you ever gone to therapy?
Nope

18. If you could have one super power, what would it be?
Right now, I want to be able to change the weather. Right now, its SNOWING!!!! IT"S OCTOBER!!!
19. Do you own any furniture from Ikea?
YES! I LOVE Ikea!! My futon in my dorm room, and my desk at home are both from there, plus a bunch of little stuff.

20. Have you ever gone camping?
Every fall with the fam!

21. Gas prices - first thought
Not as bad as they have been.

22. Your favorite cartoon character?
The baby from the Incredibles. Watch Jack-Jack attack. I have never laughed so hard in my entire life. I've baby sat kids like that!

23. What was your first car?
A 1986 Buick Park Avenue. Now remember, I was BORN in 1986. This car was OLDER than I was.

24. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No.

25. The Cosby Show or The Simpsons?
Hmmmm. Depends on my mood. I used to love the cosby show, but I don't know when its on anymore.


26. Do you go to church?
I try and go every week, but sometimes sleep overpowers it. I do try and go to chapel 2-3 times a week though, and that is kind of like church.

27. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
The adult side of me says Pres. Bush, the teenage side of me says some of the stars from Grey's Anatomy.

28. What errand/chore do you despise?
Washing dishes

29. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! NOT YET!!!

30 Last time you puked from drinking?
Never. (see #13. I'm a goody-good. What can I say)

31. What is your heritage?
Dutch
32. Favorite flower?
Gerber Daisy

33. Disney or Warner Bros?
Disney

34. What is your best childhood memory?
Camping, and hiking with my family.

35. Your favorite potato chip?
Baked Lays

36. What is your favorite candy?
Kit Kat

37. Do you burn or tan?
Tan
38. Astrological sign?
Capricorn.

39. Do you own a gun?
No. But I love to target practice!

40. What do you think of hot dogs?
Really good grilled.

I lied.







*Update*
I found out the pharmacy was just billing insurance #2, not #1. That is what got us stuck with bills the last time, because #2 is not supposed to be paying for everything. When we tried to get #1 to pay, they will only give me limited amounts. Everyone in the world seems to think 200 strips is SOO MANY!! Why in the world would I need to test more than 4 times a day????? So now I'm in the process of appealing that amount. Not a HUGE deal, just another annoyance that I thought was all taken care of!

Because I am a 5 year kid inside, and I'm easily entertained

Blogger's spell check cracks me up. So I decided to make a list of diabetic words and see what it does to them. The list on the left will be what I typed, and the list on the right will be what blogger says it should be.

Quick-set Suicide
Insulin no suggestions
Humalog homology
Novolog navels
Lanclet loincloth
Cozmo cozen
Mimimed manumit
Animas anions
Islet Islet
A1c AAA
Lantus lunatic
Levemir no suggestions
Ketones Kittens
JDRF nothing
Ketoacidosis nothing
Cleo clew
Minimed (the right way) minuend
Lancet(The right way) Lancet
This is what happens on too little sleep!!

That's all for now. If you have any additions, and want to join the fun, let me know!

October 3, 1988

18 years ago, I was in the hospital. I have no memories of this monumental time of my life. I've seen pictures. I look like a orphan child from a third world country, but surrounded by stuffed animals, balloons and family.
18 years is a very long time. A lifetime in fact. Like Allison said, now my diabetes can vote. Hurray? Maybe. I am 18 years complication free. I don't really consider that an accomplishment. I'm only 19 years old for crying out loud! I shouldn't have any complications.
This day doesn't seem any different to me. I don't know if it should.
In general, I am really freaking sick of all the crap. For years and years, it never bothered me.
But lately?
Man.
Site rashes
Painful sites
Ball in my stomach crappy highs
Stuff my face and never come up lows.
A few weeks ago, for the first time I can ever remember, I could actually picture a cure. For ME. When that story about the cure for kids diagnosed before 6 months came out, my heart skipped beat. I quickly did the mental math, to see if it was even possible that I had diabetes at 6 months, and went undiagnosed. I pictured what it would be like to be FREE. I was quickly disappointed. The difference between 6 months and 22 months is just too much. Too much to research further. I was disappointed. Maybe that's why it is all bothering me so much lately. Or maybe it's the transition to school. Once again, I have to explain the ins and outs to my roommates. They are really nice about it. They WANT to know, but once I start to explain, I realize just how much there is. From the little things from what my blood sugar should be, to why I need to change my site, what ketones are and why in the world I went off my pump. It's just so much!
I know I'm pretty much the youngest blogger in the OC. I'm too dang young to have been dealing with this more 18 years.
So happy anniversary to me. Maybe I'll go to Dairy Queen or something tonight, or maybe I'll just ignore the day.

Two Questions

I have two new requests for the OC. One is a serious one, the other is not.
First:
My new blue pump remains nameless. Anyone have any suggestions for him(or her?)?

Second:
I have developed a nice, itchy reaction to my quicksets. Every site itches while it is on, and when I take it off there is a series of red, raised bumps where the site was. What can I do about it? Now before you answer this, keep in mind I have the same reaction for IV3000 and Tegaderm. Does anyone know of any other products? This is a recurring problem. I get these rashes for a few months, and then they go away. But then have never been this bad before. This goes to show that even after 7ish years pumping, I still do not know everything. I'm still learning!
Any and All suggestions welcome!

*Update*
I screwed my pump last night, at about 2am. I was really high, and really angry and sick of dealing with all the crap, so I gave a shot of Levemir, and pulled out the pump site. I've been on shots since then. I called MM to see if they had any suggestions, and they were shockingly helpful. (I have had some horrible Minimed experiences) They are overnighting me some different tape samples, and some sets in case the ones I have are defective. The Minimed I knew NEVER volunteered that it might be there fault! I'm shocked! I still appreciate any suggestions you guys have!

Did you know?

Did you know, that it is extremely helpful to put insulin in the cartridge when doing a site change? That air will not prime the tubing?
This is a lesson I learned at 2am last night.

On a lighter note...

I got three exams back today.
All I can say it, FINALLY all of my hard work is starting to pay off.
physiology: The hardest of all my classes, in which most people want to die: I got 93%!!!!!!!!!! Words can not express how happy this makes me.
Sociology: I didn't study too much for this, because it was the day after Phys, and I just didn't care anymore: 88%
Psychology: 92%. Only 2 people in all of my professors classes did better than I did. I rock.
That is the bulletin of the day.
More doom and gloom tomorrow. :-)

A very long rant.

I had such a bad week last week. If something could go wrong diabetes wise, it did.
Last Friday, I had a bad site. I ended up skipping a class because I felt so horrible. My highs don't usually affect me as badly as they did that day. I couldn't eat most of the day because of horrible ketones, so it was almost 2pm before I ate anything. That started me down a vicious cycle. I couldn't eat because I didn't feel good, so I started getting starvation ketones, which made me feel worse, which makes me not want to eat...... I finally forced down some applesauce just to get some carbs and more insulin into my system.
I had the weekend to recover.
Monday morning. I wake up having to go to the bathroom SOO bad. While I'm in the bathroom, my pump starts to SIREN. I don't know if anyone has ever heard the Cozmo siren, but its loud. Sadly, my roommate wasn't up before then, but she certainly was after! The screen said that the battery was dead. There was no low battery alarm, and I had changed it last week. Of course, I was out of new batteries. I took the old battery out so the thing would SHUT UP, threw some clothes on, and went to the bookstore to get more batteries. After I put them into the pump, it seemed to work OK, but this was the second time this had happened to that pump. I was not letting it go. I called Deltec and got the nicest woman. She agreed I needed a whole new pump. When she asked what color I had, I told her gray but then asked if I could have another color. I had to quickly make up my mine. I said blue on an impulse. After checking to make sure they had new blue pumps (she didn't want me to have a refurbished one) she said I could have it!! That made me really happy!!! No more boring gray! After I got my old pump working, I checked myself. I'm high, of course. I debated whether to go on shots or not. I decided I didn't really need to. I gave the bolus. Halfway through I got my favorite (sarcasm) alarm. Blockage Detected!! Oh joy! On top of everything else, I got to do a site change too!
Tuesday: New pump arrives. Not a major deal, I just had to take the time to program it. But that too takes time, time that I did not really have.
Wednesday: While sleeping, I started having the strangest dream. In it, I was rushing trying to get ready, and my pump just wouldn't stop beeping or vibrating, no matter what I did! Finally, I woke up to another blockage. Grrr. Another site change! As if waking up over 300 or 400 twice in the past week wasn't enough!
Thursday night: I woke up feeling low. I was 40. I don't know if it was because I was so tired, or so low, but I couldn't stay awake. I kept falling asleep while I was eating. All of my food is right next to my bed, so I don't have to get out of bed when I'm low. I must have had 3 or 4 granola bars, a couple of packages of fruit snacks and a bottle of juice. When I woke up the next morning, I was only 294. With that many carbs, I should have been much, much higher. It was a scary experience, one I don't want to repeat.
Last night: Check at 11:30, 383. Crap. Bolus the correction. Check an hour later. 150. CRAP!!!! Now I want to come down fast as much as the next diabetic, but I had lots and lots of IOB. I did not know what to do. I finally decided to shut my basal off for 3 hours, and to set my alarm for an hour later. For once in my life, I made the right decision. I went up to 160, and never dropped below that.
So that is a synopsis of all the crap that has been going on lately. Surprisingly, I didn't want to get rid of my pump. I just didn't want to be diabetic anymore! I am so sick of all the crap!

October 1st.

Does that date mean anything to you?

Probably not.

But it means a heck of a lot to me.

October 1st is the date my application for the nursing department is due. Just sitting here typing about it is clenching my stomach into knots. I know that I will spend the next few months worrying. November 6th is when registration for classes begin, so I will know by then.

I am so dang nervous, I can't even think about working on my homework right now. Homework that is so important. It is important, so that I can learn the material and do well in my classes. If I do well in my classes, I might get into the nursing program. But I am so worried about getting into the nursing program, that I can't do my homework. I'm in a little bit of a pickle.

UGH! Do you know how much this stinks? I KNOW what I want to do for the rest of my life. I am very blessed for that reason. What stinks is that I CAN'T DO IT! I have been amazed at the number of people the last 5-6 months, that have told me, not knowing my dreams, that I should be a nurse. The only people that don't seem to think I'm good enough are the only people that really matter: the nursing board.

I could really use some thoughts and prayers. Starting October 1st (and probably before) I'm going to be a nervous wreck. If I don't get into the program this time, I have some major, major life decisions to make, and they are not going to be easy or pleasant.

Life has been so crazy lately. I moved back to school a couple of weeks ago, and the transition has been harder than I thought it would be. On top of that (or maybe because of that) my blood sugars have been terrible. One of these days I'll get around to writing them all down and trying to figure out if there is any real trend.
In the mean time, I'm doing my best to make sure everyone in my classes think I'm a drug addict.
The other day I had a bad site, and flew up to 450. Sadly, this was during the middle of class. I wrote on a page in my notebook "I'm really high!" I showed it to my friend before I left class to change my site. That page was the same one I wrote out my part of a group presentation. At the next class, I gave my notebook to another group member to read over. When she handed it back, she gave me kind of a weird look, but didn't say anything. It wasn't until later that I realized what was written on the notebook, and why she gave me a weird look.
Case #2. Physiology class. I was digging around in my backpack before class, trying to find a pen. I felt something thin and round. I pulled it out. Nope! It wasn't a pen, it was a syringe. Whoops. No idea how many people saw in that class, but it gave me a good laugh.
In other news, the JDRF walk is going well. People who have never donated before are giving large amounts, like $100. The bad news, people who usually donate haven't gotten back to me. People like my brothers. That is always a sticky situation. I would like them to donate. In the past they've donated. But, what it they don't want to this year? I don't want to bug them about it, and make them feel pressured. Hopefully they people will start sending in their checks so I don't have to make those awkward phone calls.
Back to the never ending world of homework!

**A HUGE thank you to Tiffany at the Diabetes OC, and Candid Diabetes for fixing my Diabetes OC Navigation Bar. It works!**

In what kind of f-ing world does my blood sugar RISE 200 points after exercise????
There was no rebound.
Grrr.
*More later, just a quick rant before I go to bed.*