There are just some things you have to blog about....

Yesterday was just one of those days. It all started around 2:00am. I woke up feeling low, quite low. I threw a tab in my mouth while I checked myself. I was 39. #*$A%*(!!! Inhaled 2 more tabs and a fruit snack. And a package of crackers. Checked again(all of 5 minutes later) 43. I walked to the kitchen and inhaled more food, now in full on panic mode. Any number below 50 and I panic. I corrected before bed at 11:30, so I still had a little insulin working. After 20 minutes I checked again, ringing in at 136. Satisfied, I returned to bed, trying to decide how much to bolus for my obvious overeating. I decided to wait another 15 minutes and see what would happen with more time. 123. Crap. Another 15 minutes. 110. I foolishly decided to go to sleep with that blood sugar, and not bolus for any food. I woke up at 8:00am with a very full bladder. Never a good sign. I tested in at a horrific 450. 39 to 450 in six hours. That has to be some sort of a record. I felt like I spent the rest of the day recovering, and fighting more lows. It ended up being one of those days when diabetes took control, and not the other way around, and I hate that.

Pushing the limits

This post really did not turning out the way I thought it was going to, but I'm just going to let it ramble on. Have fun reading. :-)
I really feel like I've been pushing the limits diabetes wise lately. I always do to a certain extent. I never rush to check and treat when I feel my blood sugar drop. I feel my lows in the high 70's, and I've never passed out, so I'm never in a rush. I wait until it is convenient. I know its not smart, but I do it. I ran short of test strips again this month, so I had to cut down to testing 4 times a day and when those strips ran out, I used some expired strips. They seemed fairly accurate, and matched up with my freestyle readings, but who really knows?
Last week, there were several days that I didn't have a single number above 70 or below 300. I know I must have been normal at some point in between there, but I never caught it. Now that I've cracked down and started charting again, they've come back close to normal, but I'm actually going to try and have some really solid basal testing and more before my endocrinologist appointment next week. I really have to wonder sometimes what those roller coasters are doing to my body.
I started my new job Tuesday. More accurately, I started orientation for my new job. Let me tell you, I HATE it. Once I got hired for the position, I had major doubts. This is my first real job, and it comes with a lot of fear. I still have my job at home, and that carries responsibilities that did not go away when I got hired at the hospital. There are a lot of other stressors like my desire to work at my local diabetes camp, and not being able to find out if I can get the time off, or if I should even ask. The lack of communication I experienced before my interview continues. I get information only a couple of days before the event, and that worries me. I still do not know when I start actual work, and at this point, I'm doubting if I even want to. I'm sure it will get better, I just can't see the end of the very dark tunnel ahead of me.

I got it!

I got the job!!!
I got a call last Tuesday, but I couldn't get in contact with the woman who called me until she finally picked up today! And I got it! The bad news is that I can't start until the beginning of June, but I don't really care, because I got it!

Interview!!

I have my very first job interview tomorrow!!! It is for one of the millions of nursing assistant jobs I've applied for. This is the first time I've ever gotten to the interview process. I am extremely happy, but also extremely nervous. It has been very last minute, which is only increasing my anxiety about it. I didn't find out about the interview until Friday, but I had a conflict. I didn't get my schedule straightened out until last night, and I still don't know exactly where I need to go, because the woman scheduling it hasn't called me back. I'm trying hard not to be really annoyed. So like always, I'm asking a favor of the OC. What are your best entry level job interviewing tips?

*Update*
My interview was today. The scheduler finally called me back at 10am and gave me the details of my interview. She only had a few more minutes before I was going to call and bug her again. The interview went OK. I didn't get a real clear vibe from the interviewer about how it went. He was pretty stoic. I'm hoping to hear sometime next week if I got the job. I don't really don't know what to think about my chances. Thanks for all the advice, especially to Sara for her help.

Coping

I seemed to have lost you since I stopped posting about diabetes related stuff. Believe me, there is plenty going on. From the fact that my insurance company said I couldn't get any test strips this month because I got too many last month (I've got it partially straighted out), to my bottomless exercise induced lows, to the enduring stress highs. They are all going on, but right now, it isn't top priority in my life like it is sometimes. Right now, I am scared. Not of complications and not of lows. I am scared because Monday an armed gunman killed 32 people on his college campus. He had two hours between his attacks to prepare and ship a package. The rest of the campus was not warned. They went about their business, and some of them were killed later because of it. Now, copy cat acts are springing up all over the place. A friend's high school was shut down today because a student had bomb making equipment in his locker, and planned to use it tomorrow at an all school assembly. Another local community college is shut down for the rest of the week because of a death threat on a professor. There are many more. The possibility that I might not be safe on my own campus is something that never occurred to me. I never thought this would happen in college. People grow up, and grow past their teenage problems, at least many of us do. This is supposed to happen here. The pictures of that man pointing guns at the camera sends chills down my spine. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have that gun pointed at ME. I realize that it is paranoid and unreasonable, but I have found myself wondering what I would do if a gunman entered my campus. Many classrooms have glass doors. There is no way to barricade against those. I found myself anxious about going into the basement of our library today, because there are no windows to flee through. Like I said, I realize these thoughts are irrational, but this is what this tragedy has done to me. Tomorrow, I will wear Orange and Maroon in honor of those who lost their lives. I will heal, I will move on, but I will always remember.

Virginia Tech

Please keep everyone at Virginia Tech and their family members in your thoughts and prayers. This is something that truly rocks me to the core. As a fellow college student, I can not imagine having to deal with something like this. As many people have said, today we are all Hokie's.

I'm not even going to try to make excuses for my once again long absence. It is just going to have to continue. Between a stomach flu, a chest cold that looked like pneumonia and it being the last month of classes, I've been swamped.

Blogger hates me

I tried to respond to everyone's comments on my last post, but blogger won't let me comment on my own page, so I'm posting them here.
Chrissie, I do something very similar when I get leg cramps. I alternate from pointing my toes to pointing my heel. It does help, although very painful.
Everyone who suggested bananas for more potassium: Sadly, I can't stand bananas. OJ is supposed to be a decent source too, so I'll try that.
Minnesota Nice: When you had low potassium levels, how often did you get leg cramps?
Virginia: I'll have to check emer-gen-c out next time I get to the store.

Now for a major time waster stolen from facebook.

A bit of everything survey
Basics Name:Jen
Age: 20
Sex: female
Hair color: Blond
Eye color: Blue
Zodiac sign: Capricorn
Heritage/nationality: Dutch mostly
Named after: No one
People you live with: 3 amazing girls!
Favorites
Color: Blue
Band: Right now, I'm on am Emerson Drive kick ( don't hate me for being a country fan)
TV Show: Grey's Anatomy- all the way!
Video Game: It's been YEARS since I've played a video game
Movie: Hmmmmm... Pirates of the Caribbean
Food: Chocolate ice cream
Room in the house:Um, my dorm? it's only one room!
Flower: Gerber Daisies
Animal: Dog
Sport: Basketball
Pizza Topping: Just cheese!
Season: Fall, although I'm a big fan of the 70's we've been having
Shampoo: Don't have one. I need to get a different brand.
Hairspray: Don't use it
CD: Don't have one
Gum: Orbit
Restaurant: Uno's! Best pizza ever!
Late night activity: Facebook/reading blogs. Or lately, finishing homework
Holiday: Christmas
Number: 22
Candy: It's a tie between Kit-Kat and Peanut Butter cups
Song: Depends on my mood
Starbucks beverage: I have NEVER been to a Starbucks. I'm loyal to the local coffee shop.
Are you for or Against...
Prostitution: Against
Drunk Driving: Against. If you want to get drunk, fine with me, but please don't be stupid enough to drive and kill someone.
Legalizing Drugs: Mostly against
Death Penalty: Undecided
Premarital sex: Against
War: Wow, that's a whole can of worms....
Hippies: Um....For??
Clothes on dogs: Against
School Uniforms: Mostly Against
Public Schools: Indifferent
Spam: Against- who really wants spam?
Slavery: Against
Interracial Relationships: For
Arranged Marriages: Against
Republicans: For
Jesus: For
Gun control: Mostly Against.
Organic Farming: Against. Another can of worms, I know.
Britney Spears: I'd be happy if I didn't have to hear about her anymore!
Curfews: For who?
Tommy Hilfiger: I'm not a name brand person. I'm a Target girl
The Atkins Diet: Against.
This or That
Jello or Pudding: Pudding. I've hated Jello for a loooong time.
AIM or MSN: AIM
Hotmail or Yahoo: Hotmail
Carpet or hardwood: Carpet
Cats or Dogs: Dogs
Fish or mice: Fish?
Wine or beer: Neither
Abercrombie or Hot Topic: Again, not a name brand person.
Cake or pie: Pie
Golf or Poker: Poker
Shower or bath: Shower
Independent Films or Big Company Films:Big Films.
Spoons or Forks: Spoons
Do you...
Drink diet pop: When I actually drink pop, which is like 2x/year
Eat a lot of junk food: Sadly, yes
Watch soap operas: Nope.
Watch CSI: Not really
Wear make up: Yes
Take naps: When I need to catch up. They are how I am surviving college
Own a cell phone: Yes
Have a job: Yes
When was the last time you Cursed: Today most likely
Had sex: Never
Went to the mall: Wednesday
Ate:Lunch
Went into a chat room: Forever ago
Drank alcohol: Never
Went bowling: The beginning of the year
Had a sleep over: We have random people sleeping in our room sometimes, does that count?
Got arrested: Ha ha. Never
Went to the movies: It's been a while....Whenever Music and Lyrics came out.
Told someone a secret: I have no idea
Gave someone a gift: A friends birthday in January
Had a gift given to you: Probably my birthday
Brushed your teeth: After lunch
Died your hair: Never
Gave advice: Not long ago

Wow...That wasted a good amount of time. I tag anyone who is procrastinating.
I hope to post soon about my Spring break.

My, my. How time flies. I've been busy, busy, busy with classes. Today started my Spring Break, and I am so ready for it. I plan on sleeping and catching up on work. Doesn't that sound like a blast?
I also just got done with a month long ban on using stomach sites. I decided it needed a break, and I really needed to explore my other options, so I gave myself a month to do it. It turned out to be a really good experience. I used my thighs almost the entire time. I am now a big fan of them. I used to get a burning sensation when I delivered insulin in my thighs, but now it is only with an especially large bolus. I think I'm going to try and work them into a regular rotation. Even though the month was up, I wasn't in a hurry to go back to my stomach. I usually alternate between one site of my stomach to the other, but maybe now I'll do right leg, right stomach, left stomach, left leg. It would probably be good for the sites.
I had a weird night last night. I sometimes get cramps in my legs (aka Charlie horses). I seem to get them really, really bad. I have to get out of bed and keep my leg moving( even through the excruciating pain) or my calf gets so tight I can't walk the next morning. Sometimes they only last a minute, others have lasted close to half an hour. I hate them with a passion. I hate having them at school even more, because I usually make quite a bit of noise when I get them, and I don't want to wake up my roommate. I tried and tried to find a cause, but never could pin point one. I had an idea that they were usually on days when I walked a lot more than usual, and had a very high blood sugar that day. Well, last night did not fit that scenario. I had my first leg cramp of the semester. Lucky for me, I was also low. I was in pain, and had to get out of bed to work out the cramp, but I was also uncoordinated from sleep and the low. It was not a pretty sight, and I was not happy. I do not like getting up at 3:00am (who does?) and waking up in pain and low was a bad combination. Now, I'm wondering if I should change my idea of what is causing leg cramps. Although it is a fairly isolated incident, I have had lows and leg cramps at the same time before. Now, I'm wondering if this should be a new symptom. I do not want to add "leg cramps" to the list of symptoms of my lows that I have to recite every time I go to my endo. Does anyone else get these cramps in their calves? Do they correspond with highs or lows? This is probably just an isolated incident that has me over analyzing, but it sure was a strange experience!

Memories

I’ve been thinking about Penny’s post a while ago titled Because I have to. It made me think about my mom, and my experience with those kinds of lows. I’ve lain in my mom’s lap while she stroked my head willing me to feel better. There were times I cried. There were times I would fall back asleep. I have faint memories of a time I couldn’t communicate because of a bad low. My parents filled in the details. I woke up and walked downstairs. I didn’t say anything, just sat down and started watching TV. I faintly remember my mom shaking my shoulders trying to get me to concentrate and tell her where my meter was. The next thing I remember I was drinking juice and I had a blood stain on my finger. That incident really shook me because I didn’t have any memory of walking downstairs, and my mom checked my blood sugar. At that point my mom hadn’t checked me in years. I knew I was low, but I couldn't tell the person who wanted to help me most. I remember lots of lows, sitting in the kitchen drinking a small glass of apple juice and a graham cracker. Always the same snack and always with my mom. She would turn on the living room light so the light wouldn’t wake up too much. Even now, the first thing I use to treat a low are those little glasses of apple juice. Even now that I treat lows by myself, when I go downstairs to the kitchen to treat I know she is upstairs waiting for me to return. Sometimes she comes down to check on me, and sometimes she’ll ask me if I’m ok when she hears me coming back up the stairs. No matter what, she’ll ask me the next morning if I had a rough night. I really hated those nighttime lows, and still do, but I treasure the memories of her taking care of me. Thanks Mom.

When did I become an angry person?

First off, thanks to everyone who left ideas for me. I really appreciate them.
I apologize in advance for the following post. It is being written in the heat of a moment, after a long day with very little sleep.

I'm sitting here, trying to study for an exam, thinking over all the times today, and over the last few days that I've been really angry. I am not an angry person normally, but lately, I have become one.
I went to my endo Tuesday. I was expected a rise in my A1c because I am currently in the semester from Hell (I don't swear. Practically never, and this semester is totally worthy of that description.) I had no basal tests. No insulin to carb ratio tests. No 2am tests. Nothing. I was angry at myself, but I knew I just did not have the time or energy to skip meals. It just wasn't happening. My A1c? 7.1. That's down. That's a really good number. But you know what? I was mad. I was actually MAD that it went down, and I did nothing. At all. It just decided to go down. I should not be angry about this, but I am.
My presentation to my Pharmacology study group was tonight. I was nervous. I had to balance the information and the time. As I'm going through the require information, I kept giving things that were not highlighted in the professors notes, but will be really important in the practical setting. My presentation partner kept saying, "but we don't need to know this! This isn't going to be on the exam!" I had to really hold my tongue. I kept a level head, but it was hard. After giving the required information, I had a sheet with some bullet points that I titled "what every type one diabetic wants you to know." I talked about some of the misconceptions, and included most of your suggestions. I thought it went fairly well considering how nervous I was. Later, after the group meeting, I saw one of my group members, and she mentions to my friend that I went "on a rampage" during our meeting. I was dumbfounded. I did not raise my voice. I simply told them what I thought they should know. I put it in the context that I have had many of these things said to me, and I would like to make sure that they, as health care providers, did not make the same mistakes that would loose the respect and trust of their patients. I did not think I ranted or rampaged. Now, I'm afraid that the whole group thinks I'm a raging lunatic. Don't they get this is my entire life? This is what I eat, think and breathe all the time, every day? This is my life people! Of course I'm passionate about it!!!!!! I live and will die by this disease! I am so angry that she actually said that to me.
As I was thinking about how I needed to write this all out, I opened up blogger to post this. It would not let me sign on until I upgraded to the new blogger. Again, I felt anger rising within me. What if I don't want to upgrade? I' m just learning the old blogger! I don't want to learn a new one! I just want to write a freaking post!
I am an angry person. This is what all the stress has done to me. It makes me angry that I haven't been below 200 all day long, and that I have to change my site. It makes me angry that my suitemate asks the most ridiculous questions over and over again. It makes me angry that people are so stupid. It all makes me so angry, and I don't want to take it any more! UUGGHH!!!

What would you want them to know?

Once again, I want your input on something. If you had an opportunity to tell your future nurses anything you wanted about diabetes and its care, what would you like them to know?
One of my classes this semester is Pharmacology. I am in a study group with 5 other nursing students. The next chapter is on medications for the treatment for diabetes. I am taking this golden opportunity to educate the nurses of tomorrow. I'm having trouble figuring out which information is the most important. I thought I would get the opinions of other diabetics (or people with diabetes, depending on who you are :-) ). What are the biggest things nurses/doctors do that annoy you in reference to diabetes? What should they know? What do they "know" that needs to be unlearned? Basically, like the title says: What do you want them to know?

Awake

Falling, falling, falling

Juice

Sip

Swallow

Sip

Swallow

Sip-

Empty

Slipping, slipping, slipping

FOOD!

Fruitsnack

Chew

Swallow

Chew

Swallow

Falling!

Food!

Blood sugar?

Fumlbe

61

Relief

“Oh good, I’m low”

Slipping

Food!

Granola bar

Chew

Swallow

Chew

Swallow

FOOD!

Fruitsnack

Mouthful

Chew

Swallow

Slipping
Slipping
Slipping
Falling
Falling
Falling
Dark
Dark
Dark
Dark
Dark


Beep?

Beep?

Beep?

Pump?

“Your last blood glucose was low”

Confusion

Meter

356

Crap!

Bolus

Remembrance

Understanding

Fear

My new favorite song

My brother recently introduced me to Weird Al.
I love this song.

The video is nothing much, but oh, the words to the song. It just gets better the more I listen to it. Even if I don't love my pancreas, this is a great song.

Ranting and Raving

I saw a classic example this week of how badly extreme stress sends my blood sugar through the roof. Classic example: Wednesday, just before a major stress event, my blood sugar was a wonderful 123. Two hours later, with no food, a horrible 319.
What was the stress event? Well, that is a GREAT story. Be forewarned: I'm still angry.
Tuesday night, my parents stopped by my dorm room. They dropped off my mail, which included my statement from my wonderful (Did you catch the sarcasm?) college. I figured it was just that, a statement, saying I had a zero balance, since I had dropped my tuition check off two weeks prior.
Oh no. Of course not.
It's a statement with a late fee added on saying that I haven't paid. I knew full well I had paid. I made a special trip out to school to buy my books (all $1,000.95 worth) and to hand deliver my tuition check. Wednesday morning, I stop by to straighten out what I assumed was a simple mistake. I was armed with a copy of my check. I asked the woman at the front desk, who helpfully told me simply "we show you haven't paid." Well, thanks a lot. I couldn't figure that out by the Late notice statement I got! Finally after staring at each other for a minute, both thinking each other was crazy, she suggested I go see Kevin. Well, who the heck is Kevin? She pointed me to his office. I walked in, now starting to get a little angry. He did a search of their records, which showed no check of my amount ever processed there. So, basically, they LOST my check. He advised me to stop payment on the check. I was SO incredibly, fiercely angry. Now, I am a crier. I cry when I'm sad, when I'm frustrated and when I'm angry, and boy was I angry. So, of course, I started crying. I didn't expect to gain anything from it, but I did. They paid for the fees associated with the cancelled check fee, and promptly cancelled the late fee. I think I deserved that much since they LOST a check. MY check. I didn't even trust the Postal Service to deliver my check, so I hand delivered it. Now, I guess I've learned even that is not enough. I have to be annoying as sin and make them process it right then and there. Lesson Learned.
Rant Over.

I'm back!
I've been back on campus for a week, and my, what a week it has been. I started my nursing classes, and they are harder than I could have even imagined. I have seven classes including: Pharmacology, Nutrition, Microbiology, Health assessment, Pharmacology, Intro to Nursing and Basic Skills. Needless to say, while I have thought about blogging many, many times, homework has taken priority. My pharmacology professors told us to expect to read 12 to 16 hours a week for that class alone. Plus, I have classes that I need several hours outside of class time to practice. It is all a little overwhelming.
Partly because of all that stress, my blood sugars, up until the past few days have been a frightening roller coaster. There were two days in a row that I had a range of about 45 to 450. Yes, that does mean I hit the forties twice and the 450's twice. Just when I thought I was going to loose it, it started evening out. The past two days have been much better. It is a huge relief. I was stuck in a constant struggle between lows and their rebounds. I'm glad the cycle has stopped, if only momentarily while I gather my sanity.
Even though I have not been posting, I have been trying to keep up on reading. I hope I haven't lost all of you, my precious readers, due to my long absence. I will be trying to update more often, if only for my own sanity.

Just because it's cute, I thought I'd close with a picture of my niece from this summer.

I'm alive.
I think.
The holidays have kept me very busy. On top of all the Christmas stuff, I've been fighting the cold I got from babysitting my niece for the weekend(wasn't she so kind to pass it on to me?) and not getting enough sleep from my mini-road trip to Chicago.
I'm busy, very busy.
I've decided that rather than feel guilty about not updating, I'd put the blog on hold for a while. Instead, I will wait until my birthday (as of Friday I won't be a teenager anymore!)and Christmas is over, and I have my high speed internet connection back. Dial up is the worst!
Happy Holidays everyone!

343

I'm 343, and my concentration is shot. The next hour, if not more, is worthless. Usually, not a big deal. When cramming for finals, however, it is more than a little annoying. I have mountains of information that I need to learn in the next few days, and precious little time to do it. Now, my brain is all fuzzy. I feel like I'm in la-la land. I keep getting distracted even typing this post. Grr. I guess I'm going to have to resort myself to doing dishes and other unpleasant tasks until my blood sugar comes down and I can concentrate.

Exam week

I have final exams next week. Exam week = death. I'm sick of studying already, and I've barely studied. I plan to spend most of the day studying. I'm banning myself from reading blogs today. My list of blogs just keeps growing. It takes quite a while to read through all of them. This is great when I want to procrastinate, but I can't afford to do that this weekend. I'll be studying my life away! As long as I can keep my concentration, and something like this doesn't happen again, I should be fine.

Glycemic Index

I'm currently working on writing a paper on the glycemic index and the control of blood glucose. Why? Because my Physiology lab won't let me do the endocrinology lab. Why? Because eating food is BAD for diabetics. Grrrr. ANYWAY. I've never really gotten into the glycemic index. The research I've been finding is very conflicting. The Glycemic index is either a great thing or an evil thing, depending on who writes the article. I'm looking at reputable sites, like the American Diabetes Association and the American Dietetic Association. My question is: What does the OC, as a group of people who need to control their blood glucose think of the glycemic index? Has anyone seen any good studies on it? Have you tried it? What did you think?
Thanks!

I'm OK!

I got my urine test results back yesterday. My kidneys are 100% fine. All tests were normal. I am so relieved. As much as I was trying not to worry about it, I still thought about it too much. I'm glad it's done with.
I listened to my intuition today, and it was right. I put a new site in this morning. I felt like I should leave the old site in, just in case. I do not normally do that. The site usually itches enough that I want to get rid of it. It was a good thing I left it in, because just a few hours later (while away from home) I had a blocked tubing alert. I just had to disconnect from the new site and connect to the old. I felt a little like a robot that needed to plug in, but it saved me a whole lot of stress and extra work! I might have to do that a little more often.
Life is once again busy, busy, busy! I have one more week of class until exams, and then Christmas break! I'm really for a little R&R. There are so many things that come with the end of the semester, that I don't know how often I'll be updating. I'll try and keep reading though! I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!