Shhhh!!

Shhh...Don't tell anyone, but my Guardian has caught three lows in the past two days!
But I did not say it out loud, and writing it will not jinx it.

I've thought over and over again about this post, and what I should say.
A brief rundown of the events since my last post. At Allison's suggestion and my desperation, I put in new sensor in on Sunday, the 7th. I was hoping to make each sensor last about a week or so, because I had 4 sensors and a month to use them. That sensor seemed to do alright for a day or so, but my blood sugars were also pretty decent. Wednesday, I restarted the sensor, and got another decent day out of it. On Thursday however, everything fell apart. I got a "cal error" at lunch. It showed me in the high 200s, when I knew I was just fine. I had been keeping a close eye on my blood sugar, to see if an ever challenging bagel breakfast bolus was working like it should. I had been consistently clocking in at 100 to 120. Maybe I should haven't have calibrated then, but I was frustrated at it's inaccuracy. Later that day, in a major national exam, the Guardian just went crazy. First, it told me a high glucose was predicted. Whatever, I felt fine, and I was in the middle of this very important exam. Not 15 minutes later, "Fall Rate." This is supposed to mean my blood sugar is falling more than 3mg/dL. Again, I ignored it again. Not 5 minutes later, "Rise Rate." By this point, I was ready to throw the thing out the window. I wasn't supposed to have any electronic devices in the room. I took my chances, and brought the Guardian. Then, I was forced to check it every 5 minutes because it kept alerting. When I got done with the exam (which I passed with flying colors, despite the annoying interruptions) I placed another annoying phone call to Minimed, who did not even want to help me, saying I should contact my doctors office. Finally, she told me I should re-calibrate when I was positive my blood sugars were perfectly level. I felt like telling her- look, I'm diabetic, if I knew when my blood sugars were going to be perfectly level, I wouldn't need technology like the Guardian! She said if I wanted to be completely sure it was back in line with my blood glucose, to restart the sensor. That's what I did. All Thursday night, it alarmed like crazy. First high alarms, then low alarms, all of which were disproved by a fingerstick. After a very frustrating, sleepless night, I tore the sensor out and put the receiver back in the box. I had enough. I kept it off all weekend, while I wrestled with what to do. My ideas ranged from putting it back on, to driving it back to the doctor's office 3 weeks early and telling them never to give it to anyone else. Calling Minimed for help is no longer an option. I've had three unhelpful conversations with them, most ending with them swearing their product is practically flawless, and I must be doing something wrong. Granted, they can't tell me what that is, but it is not their problem. They seem to have a mental barrier to the fact that I did not buy the unit, that I'm only borrowing it. Sorry for the tangent, back to reality.
Sunday, the 14th, I decided to give it another shot. I was going to make sure there was no reason for error. I put the sensor it 4 hours after lunch, with no additional food or insulin. Chances were, my blood sugars were not going far. I waited the 2 hour warm up period, still eating nothing, and taking no insulin. I waited another 45 minutes after the first calibration before I ate anything and took any insulin. I am only calibrating the recommended 2 times a day(I had been doing 3), first time in the morning, after fasting, and now in the evening, which I have also made a fasting time of day to prevent any possible errors. I hate that I am modifying my life to appease a piece of equipment that is supposed to help me. The accuracy has improved minimally. If I am between 80 and 150, it is very close, almost always within the 20% guideline. As soon and I drop out of that range however, the Guardian is way, way off. I realize that even fingersticks are more accurate with normal numbers, but I am talking about a difference of at least 100 points. It still has not caught an actual low. Most of the time, it showed me holding steady in the 80-90 range, while my blood sugar is in the 50's. I have decided to get over my disappointment and move on. The biggest reason I wanted to borrow the Guardian is to get my basals nailed down really well. To do that, my blood sugars should be within the 80 to 150 range anyway. I will continue to monitor my blood sugars like I normally would (not the 20 or so times I did for several days trying to figure out what the heck was going on with the Guardian) and give up on the dream that this equipment could help me prevent highs and lows. Someday maybe it will get there, but it has not arrived for me. Not yet anyway.

Not Impressed

I am on day 4 of the Guardian, and I'm not going to lie, I'm disappointed. We all know there are peaks and valleys in our blood sugars. I wish they didn't happen, and I try and prevent them, but usually when I graph out my blood sugars there they are, the hills and valleys of highs and lows. With the Guardian, there are no hills or valleys, there are only ant hills and minor puddles. It has only caught one low blood sugar, and never shows me as high as my blood says I am. With lows, it might say I go down to 82 or so, not the 50's I'm actually experiencing. The Guardian might show I'm up to 200, but a finger stick shows I'm actually 260. Last night, I went down to 60, and the Guardian showed me holding steadily at 150. I'm sorry, but that is a huge, unacceptable difference. The first full day I had the Guardian, I was ready to believe every number it showed me. I just did a minimum number of blood sugar checks before meals, and fully thought that my blood sugars really were that amazing, almost never straying outside of the 80 to 120 range. Now I am not that sure. I am still checking my blood sugar 8 to 10 times a day. I hope as time goes on that maybe I find out why it shows such differences, but for now, I just don't trust it. I am greatly disappointed in this piece of equipment. I thought this was the next greatest, life changing piece of equipment. I thought maybe it would be worth fighting the insurance company for coverage, but for now I think it would be a waste of time.

19 Years

Nineteen years ago today, I was diagnosed with diabetes.
Today, I feel very diabetic. That might sound strange to some. There are some days when diabetes sinks into the background and routines take over. Today though it is on the forefront of my mind. On my left side, I wear my Cozmo and Quick-set, almost silently delivering insulin. On the right, the Guardian RT and mini-link transmitter, attempting to tell me if the pump is giving me the right amount if insulin. These are part of my life now and they are reminders of what I need to do to survive and thrive.
I’ve thought a lot lately how diabetes has altered my life, and it is something that I can not honestly answer. It is such a part of me, that I cannot image what life would be like if I had never gotten this disease. Has it made me more sympathetic? Maybe. More cautious? Perhaps. Less spontaneous? Probably. But this is who I am now. I am a college student. I am a Christian. I am a daughter and an aunt. I am also a diabetic. That’s just the way it is.
I am not celebrating today, and I’m not mourning it either. It’s just another day in my life. A day like the past 6,935 that happens to include insulin, blood sugar checks and carbohydrate counting.

First Impressions

I am officially hooked up to a Guardian Real Time System. They gave me a whole new setup, so I felt like I was getting it "for real" and that I didn't have to give it back in a month. I am unsure about my feelings of it yet. It is too soon, and I've had too many issues. From the beginning:
One of my biggest fears was wearing and inserting the sensor. I was expecting the insertion of the sensor to hurt like &^*$ because it went in at an angle (angled sites and I have a bad history) and then the nurse offered me ice, saying most everyone used it. After about a minute of sitting there with the ice on my stomach, and getting more nervous by the second, I just went for it. I did not hurt a bit. It takes a little bit of work to get the inserter off of the site, and it is a little nerve wracking. With a pump site, you mess it up, and it's not that big of a deal. With a sensor, it's like flushing twenty dollar bills down the toilet. Overall, a lot easier than I thought. It actually hurt less than my pump sites.
After my training was done, they sent me on my way, with the instruction to do a 2 hour calibration check before the system would actually start working. Not 15 minutes down the road, I got a "sensor error" alert. Not exactly what I wanted to see. After pouring through the manual, I finally found out that one of those alerts is really no big deal, but multiple alerts aren't so great. Ok, I'm good to go. I thought. Until 20 minutes later, when I got the same alert. Soo I called the Minimed people, who had me restart the 2 hour start up period. So 5 hours after my initial appointment, I was finally getting readings. For a few hours, it went pretty well. I checked the number on the screen every 15 minutes or so, just for the joy of it. I felt like it was fairly accurate, until about half an hour ago, when I could feel myself falling. But the graph stayed steady. As I was walking back to my room from a friends house, I became more and more sure that I was dropping. But the Guardian did not agree. I know it takes some time to catch up with rapidly changing numbers, but I felt like I was dropping for a good half an hour. I checked, and my meter said 75. Not exactly an emergency, but not the 188 the Guardian claimed. Here's where I made my first big mistake: I plugged that number into the Guardian. Bad move. It needs calibration numbers that are not rapidly changing. After it thought for a good long while, I got a "cal error." So I'm not getting any data now, and I'm in the waiting game for my blood sugar to even out so I can calibrate it again. I'm hoping it becomes more accurate as time goes on, and I learn how to best take advantage of this technology.

I did it

I participated in the JDRF walk. Not the one I normally go to, but one that took place several weeks later. It was actually a lot of fun. There were a lot more people at this walk, and it was a lot more upbeat. They had face painting and a lot of things my niece would love. The walk was thru the heart of downtown, and I got to see a lot of things that I never would have seen before. Although I did not raise a lot of money, I'm really glad I ended up doing it, even if it was a last minute affair.
This week is a pretty significant D week. Tomorrow I get my temporary Guardian CGMS. I want to love it, but I'm trying to be realistic and realize that there will probably be times when I will hate it.
Wednesday will be my diagnosis anniversary. I will have been living with this disease for 19 years.
Needless to say, this will be a trying week for me. Look for frequent updates.

My endo appointment was somewhat productive. My A1c was 7.1. Last time was 7.0. I've been shooting for under 7%, and I'm just not there yet. We fiddled with some basal rates, and changed some insulin to carb rations. I'm still working on it, and it continues to be a struggle, that to be honest, I don't always feel like fighting.
I still don't have my lab work back, meaning I still don't know if my thyroid is working normally, or anything else that they were checking. I'm a little frustrated, although I figure if it has taken this long to get back to me, they must be normal.
Next week, I take one very large, nerve-wracking step. I go on a trial run of Minimed's Guardian CGMS. My doctor's office has a unit that they lend out for a month or so at a time. My doctor really pushed me to try it, saying that he would be more than willing to help me fight my insurance company if it was something I was interested in. I am still not that sold on the idea of wearing two different sites on my body. But then, there are those nights that I wake up at 36mg/dL and terrified, that make me think it would be more than worth it. I think the warranty on my Cozmo runs out next summer, so maybe this will be one of the deciding factors for it I stick with them, or look at a Minimed again. Although I've had MAJOR issues with Minimed, the technology that they are offering right now is ahead of that of Cozmo. Believe me, it pains me to say that.
So as of next week, I'll be hooked up to 2 machines 24/7. I'll be sure to tell you what I think. Any advice?

This n' That

*I went on JDRF's website today because I was curious when the local Walk was taking place, since I hadn't received any information. I was shocked to find out its next weekend. Now I'm in a pickle. I've done the walk for 10 years. It is always a lot of work, and always seems anticlimactic in some way. But yet, I feel hypocritical if I don't participate. I once again have a lot going on this semester, and writing a heartfelt fundraising letter just doesn't sound that appealing.
*I have an endo appointment on Monday that I feel unprepared for, but then again, I rarely feel fully prepared. I always swear that I'm going to test all of my basals at least twice and test my correction factor, but it never happens.
*I had drawn Wednesday to test my thyroid function and a bunch of other things. Usually it is just a routine test, but this time I have reason to believe there might be something going on. Last time I had it checked, the level jump quite a bit, but was still normal, and I have some vague symptoms that could be attributed to hypothyroidism. Or just as easily not. We shall see.
* I am quitting my job tomorrow. I am incredibly nervous, but I know it is the right decision. There is just no way I can keep my sanity with a class load of 17 credits and working 20 hours a week. Sorry, not on top of my clinical rotations and everything else. It was a great experience that I would have liked to continue. But like my brother said, I'll have plenty of time to work after I graduate.
*I went to ColdStone tonight with some friends, and had the most delightful, sinful bowl of ice cream called Peanut Butter Perfection. It was heavenly. My blood sugar 2hours postprandial? 105. Yessssss!
*Not everything is going that well, however. I have Kevin's new blood sugar log, which I love. The new pie chart is awesome, but it is telling me things I don't want to see. Like the fact that I'm "in range" only 49% of the time. The rest being mostly high (41%). I do not like this. At all. For now, I'm just logging and hoping my endo will fix it for me.

Why don't they understand?

I picked up more insulin at the pharmacy the other day. More accurately, I went to the pharmacy Monday, Thursday and Friday to get more insulin. Getting prescriptions from them is always an adventure, invariably they will only bill one insurance company, or will have some other redundant question. This time, I chose to go through the drive thru, which turned out to be a wise choice. I told them my name, and watched as they got the prescription bag, and picked up a bottle of insulin OFF THE COUNTER, put it in my bag, and handed it to me. For a split second, I debated what to do. I know that bottle wasn't sitting on the counter because they just got done putting the label on the box, I called it in the day before, to be sure it would be ready by the time I got to the pharmacy. I had no idea how long that bottle of life sustaining, refrigeration required bottle of medication had been sitting on the counter. I decided I couldn't keep silent. I don't always go through all three bottles of insulin in a month, what happens when they sit in my refrigerator longer than that? Who can guarantee that they will be good until the date on the box? What's the point of even putting a expiration date on the box when the pharmacy blatantly ignores the instructions? As the technician handed me the bag I said, "why wasn't this refrigerated?" His answer? "It doesn't need to be refrigerated if you use it within a month." I proceeded to briefly argue with him, before deciding that even though his whole occupation revolves around medications, he apparently didn't understand how important it is that these medications work exactly as they are supposed to. I drove off feeling frustrated that yet another medical professional had failed me. I am now making the policy that when I pick up my insulin, I either need to see them take it out of the refrigerator, or it needs to be cool to the touch. I don't care it that makes me an annoying patient, I need to know my insulin is safe.
Oh, the other thing that frustrated me? They only had one bottle of Humalog insulin available in the whole pharmacy! They were OUT of insulin. I would have to return Wednesday to get the rest of my prescription. I gave them an extra day for good measure, and went back Thursday, only to be told it still wasn't ready, forcing me to make another trip back on Friday. If this pharmacy wasn't my only option in pretty much the whole state, I would switch, but I think I'm going to find these problems everywhere.

There are just some things you have to blog about....

Yesterday was just one of those days. It all started around 2:00am. I woke up feeling low, quite low. I threw a tab in my mouth while I checked myself. I was 39. #*$A%*(!!! Inhaled 2 more tabs and a fruit snack. And a package of crackers. Checked again(all of 5 minutes later) 43. I walked to the kitchen and inhaled more food, now in full on panic mode. Any number below 50 and I panic. I corrected before bed at 11:30, so I still had a little insulin working. After 20 minutes I checked again, ringing in at 136. Satisfied, I returned to bed, trying to decide how much to bolus for my obvious overeating. I decided to wait another 15 minutes and see what would happen with more time. 123. Crap. Another 15 minutes. 110. I foolishly decided to go to sleep with that blood sugar, and not bolus for any food. I woke up at 8:00am with a very full bladder. Never a good sign. I tested in at a horrific 450. 39 to 450 in six hours. That has to be some sort of a record. I felt like I spent the rest of the day recovering, and fighting more lows. It ended up being one of those days when diabetes took control, and not the other way around, and I hate that.

Pushing the limits

This post really did not turning out the way I thought it was going to, but I'm just going to let it ramble on. Have fun reading. :-)
I really feel like I've been pushing the limits diabetes wise lately. I always do to a certain extent. I never rush to check and treat when I feel my blood sugar drop. I feel my lows in the high 70's, and I've never passed out, so I'm never in a rush. I wait until it is convenient. I know its not smart, but I do it. I ran short of test strips again this month, so I had to cut down to testing 4 times a day and when those strips ran out, I used some expired strips. They seemed fairly accurate, and matched up with my freestyle readings, but who really knows?
Last week, there were several days that I didn't have a single number above 70 or below 300. I know I must have been normal at some point in between there, but I never caught it. Now that I've cracked down and started charting again, they've come back close to normal, but I'm actually going to try and have some really solid basal testing and more before my endocrinologist appointment next week. I really have to wonder sometimes what those roller coasters are doing to my body.
I started my new job Tuesday. More accurately, I started orientation for my new job. Let me tell you, I HATE it. Once I got hired for the position, I had major doubts. This is my first real job, and it comes with a lot of fear. I still have my job at home, and that carries responsibilities that did not go away when I got hired at the hospital. There are a lot of other stressors like my desire to work at my local diabetes camp, and not being able to find out if I can get the time off, or if I should even ask. The lack of communication I experienced before my interview continues. I get information only a couple of days before the event, and that worries me. I still do not know when I start actual work, and at this point, I'm doubting if I even want to. I'm sure it will get better, I just can't see the end of the very dark tunnel ahead of me.

I got it!

I got the job!!!
I got a call last Tuesday, but I couldn't get in contact with the woman who called me until she finally picked up today! And I got it! The bad news is that I can't start until the beginning of June, but I don't really care, because I got it!

Interview!!

I have my very first job interview tomorrow!!! It is for one of the millions of nursing assistant jobs I've applied for. This is the first time I've ever gotten to the interview process. I am extremely happy, but also extremely nervous. It has been very last minute, which is only increasing my anxiety about it. I didn't find out about the interview until Friday, but I had a conflict. I didn't get my schedule straightened out until last night, and I still don't know exactly where I need to go, because the woman scheduling it hasn't called me back. I'm trying hard not to be really annoyed. So like always, I'm asking a favor of the OC. What are your best entry level job interviewing tips?

*Update*
My interview was today. The scheduler finally called me back at 10am and gave me the details of my interview. She only had a few more minutes before I was going to call and bug her again. The interview went OK. I didn't get a real clear vibe from the interviewer about how it went. He was pretty stoic. I'm hoping to hear sometime next week if I got the job. I don't really don't know what to think about my chances. Thanks for all the advice, especially to Sara for her help.

Coping

I seemed to have lost you since I stopped posting about diabetes related stuff. Believe me, there is plenty going on. From the fact that my insurance company said I couldn't get any test strips this month because I got too many last month (I've got it partially straighted out), to my bottomless exercise induced lows, to the enduring stress highs. They are all going on, but right now, it isn't top priority in my life like it is sometimes. Right now, I am scared. Not of complications and not of lows. I am scared because Monday an armed gunman killed 32 people on his college campus. He had two hours between his attacks to prepare and ship a package. The rest of the campus was not warned. They went about their business, and some of them were killed later because of it. Now, copy cat acts are springing up all over the place. A friend's high school was shut down today because a student had bomb making equipment in his locker, and planned to use it tomorrow at an all school assembly. Another local community college is shut down for the rest of the week because of a death threat on a professor. There are many more. The possibility that I might not be safe on my own campus is something that never occurred to me. I never thought this would happen in college. People grow up, and grow past their teenage problems, at least many of us do. This is supposed to happen here. The pictures of that man pointing guns at the camera sends chills down my spine. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have that gun pointed at ME. I realize that it is paranoid and unreasonable, but I have found myself wondering what I would do if a gunman entered my campus. Many classrooms have glass doors. There is no way to barricade against those. I found myself anxious about going into the basement of our library today, because there are no windows to flee through. Like I said, I realize these thoughts are irrational, but this is what this tragedy has done to me. Tomorrow, I will wear Orange and Maroon in honor of those who lost their lives. I will heal, I will move on, but I will always remember.

Virginia Tech

Please keep everyone at Virginia Tech and their family members in your thoughts and prayers. This is something that truly rocks me to the core. As a fellow college student, I can not imagine having to deal with something like this. As many people have said, today we are all Hokie's.

I'm not even going to try to make excuses for my once again long absence. It is just going to have to continue. Between a stomach flu, a chest cold that looked like pneumonia and it being the last month of classes, I've been swamped.

Blogger hates me

I tried to respond to everyone's comments on my last post, but blogger won't let me comment on my own page, so I'm posting them here.
Chrissie, I do something very similar when I get leg cramps. I alternate from pointing my toes to pointing my heel. It does help, although very painful.
Everyone who suggested bananas for more potassium: Sadly, I can't stand bananas. OJ is supposed to be a decent source too, so I'll try that.
Minnesota Nice: When you had low potassium levels, how often did you get leg cramps?
Virginia: I'll have to check emer-gen-c out next time I get to the store.

Now for a major time waster stolen from facebook.

A bit of everything survey
Basics Name:Jen
Age: 20
Sex: female
Hair color: Blond
Eye color: Blue
Zodiac sign: Capricorn
Heritage/nationality: Dutch mostly
Named after: No one
People you live with: 3 amazing girls!
Favorites
Color: Blue
Band: Right now, I'm on am Emerson Drive kick ( don't hate me for being a country fan)
TV Show: Grey's Anatomy- all the way!
Video Game: It's been YEARS since I've played a video game
Movie: Hmmmmm... Pirates of the Caribbean
Food: Chocolate ice cream
Room in the house:Um, my dorm? it's only one room!
Flower: Gerber Daisies
Animal: Dog
Sport: Basketball
Pizza Topping: Just cheese!
Season: Fall, although I'm a big fan of the 70's we've been having
Shampoo: Don't have one. I need to get a different brand.
Hairspray: Don't use it
CD: Don't have one
Gum: Orbit
Restaurant: Uno's! Best pizza ever!
Late night activity: Facebook/reading blogs. Or lately, finishing homework
Holiday: Christmas
Number: 22
Candy: It's a tie between Kit-Kat and Peanut Butter cups
Song: Depends on my mood
Starbucks beverage: I have NEVER been to a Starbucks. I'm loyal to the local coffee shop.
Are you for or Against...
Prostitution: Against
Drunk Driving: Against. If you want to get drunk, fine with me, but please don't be stupid enough to drive and kill someone.
Legalizing Drugs: Mostly against
Death Penalty: Undecided
Premarital sex: Against
War: Wow, that's a whole can of worms....
Hippies: Um....For??
Clothes on dogs: Against
School Uniforms: Mostly Against
Public Schools: Indifferent
Spam: Against- who really wants spam?
Slavery: Against
Interracial Relationships: For
Arranged Marriages: Against
Republicans: For
Jesus: For
Gun control: Mostly Against.
Organic Farming: Against. Another can of worms, I know.
Britney Spears: I'd be happy if I didn't have to hear about her anymore!
Curfews: For who?
Tommy Hilfiger: I'm not a name brand person. I'm a Target girl
The Atkins Diet: Against.
This or That
Jello or Pudding: Pudding. I've hated Jello for a loooong time.
AIM or MSN: AIM
Hotmail or Yahoo: Hotmail
Carpet or hardwood: Carpet
Cats or Dogs: Dogs
Fish or mice: Fish?
Wine or beer: Neither
Abercrombie or Hot Topic: Again, not a name brand person.
Cake or pie: Pie
Golf or Poker: Poker
Shower or bath: Shower
Independent Films or Big Company Films:Big Films.
Spoons or Forks: Spoons
Do you...
Drink diet pop: When I actually drink pop, which is like 2x/year
Eat a lot of junk food: Sadly, yes
Watch soap operas: Nope.
Watch CSI: Not really
Wear make up: Yes
Take naps: When I need to catch up. They are how I am surviving college
Own a cell phone: Yes
Have a job: Yes
When was the last time you Cursed: Today most likely
Had sex: Never
Went to the mall: Wednesday
Ate:Lunch
Went into a chat room: Forever ago
Drank alcohol: Never
Went bowling: The beginning of the year
Had a sleep over: We have random people sleeping in our room sometimes, does that count?
Got arrested: Ha ha. Never
Went to the movies: It's been a while....Whenever Music and Lyrics came out.
Told someone a secret: I have no idea
Gave someone a gift: A friends birthday in January
Had a gift given to you: Probably my birthday
Brushed your teeth: After lunch
Died your hair: Never
Gave advice: Not long ago

Wow...That wasted a good amount of time. I tag anyone who is procrastinating.
I hope to post soon about my Spring break.

My, my. How time flies. I've been busy, busy, busy with classes. Today started my Spring Break, and I am so ready for it. I plan on sleeping and catching up on work. Doesn't that sound like a blast?
I also just got done with a month long ban on using stomach sites. I decided it needed a break, and I really needed to explore my other options, so I gave myself a month to do it. It turned out to be a really good experience. I used my thighs almost the entire time. I am now a big fan of them. I used to get a burning sensation when I delivered insulin in my thighs, but now it is only with an especially large bolus. I think I'm going to try and work them into a regular rotation. Even though the month was up, I wasn't in a hurry to go back to my stomach. I usually alternate between one site of my stomach to the other, but maybe now I'll do right leg, right stomach, left stomach, left leg. It would probably be good for the sites.
I had a weird night last night. I sometimes get cramps in my legs (aka Charlie horses). I seem to get them really, really bad. I have to get out of bed and keep my leg moving( even through the excruciating pain) or my calf gets so tight I can't walk the next morning. Sometimes they only last a minute, others have lasted close to half an hour. I hate them with a passion. I hate having them at school even more, because I usually make quite a bit of noise when I get them, and I don't want to wake up my roommate. I tried and tried to find a cause, but never could pin point one. I had an idea that they were usually on days when I walked a lot more than usual, and had a very high blood sugar that day. Well, last night did not fit that scenario. I had my first leg cramp of the semester. Lucky for me, I was also low. I was in pain, and had to get out of bed to work out the cramp, but I was also uncoordinated from sleep and the low. It was not a pretty sight, and I was not happy. I do not like getting up at 3:00am (who does?) and waking up in pain and low was a bad combination. Now, I'm wondering if I should change my idea of what is causing leg cramps. Although it is a fairly isolated incident, I have had lows and leg cramps at the same time before. Now, I'm wondering if this should be a new symptom. I do not want to add "leg cramps" to the list of symptoms of my lows that I have to recite every time I go to my endo. Does anyone else get these cramps in their calves? Do they correspond with highs or lows? This is probably just an isolated incident that has me over analyzing, but it sure was a strange experience!

Memories

I’ve been thinking about Penny’s post a while ago titled Because I have to. It made me think about my mom, and my experience with those kinds of lows. I’ve lain in my mom’s lap while she stroked my head willing me to feel better. There were times I cried. There were times I would fall back asleep. I have faint memories of a time I couldn’t communicate because of a bad low. My parents filled in the details. I woke up and walked downstairs. I didn’t say anything, just sat down and started watching TV. I faintly remember my mom shaking my shoulders trying to get me to concentrate and tell her where my meter was. The next thing I remember I was drinking juice and I had a blood stain on my finger. That incident really shook me because I didn’t have any memory of walking downstairs, and my mom checked my blood sugar. At that point my mom hadn’t checked me in years. I knew I was low, but I couldn't tell the person who wanted to help me most. I remember lots of lows, sitting in the kitchen drinking a small glass of apple juice and a graham cracker. Always the same snack and always with my mom. She would turn on the living room light so the light wouldn’t wake up too much. Even now, the first thing I use to treat a low are those little glasses of apple juice. Even now that I treat lows by myself, when I go downstairs to the kitchen to treat I know she is upstairs waiting for me to return. Sometimes she comes down to check on me, and sometimes she’ll ask me if I’m ok when she hears me coming back up the stairs. No matter what, she’ll ask me the next morning if I had a rough night. I really hated those nighttime lows, and still do, but I treasure the memories of her taking care of me. Thanks Mom.

When did I become an angry person?

First off, thanks to everyone who left ideas for me. I really appreciate them.
I apologize in advance for the following post. It is being written in the heat of a moment, after a long day with very little sleep.

I'm sitting here, trying to study for an exam, thinking over all the times today, and over the last few days that I've been really angry. I am not an angry person normally, but lately, I have become one.
I went to my endo Tuesday. I was expected a rise in my A1c because I am currently in the semester from Hell (I don't swear. Practically never, and this semester is totally worthy of that description.) I had no basal tests. No insulin to carb ratio tests. No 2am tests. Nothing. I was angry at myself, but I knew I just did not have the time or energy to skip meals. It just wasn't happening. My A1c? 7.1. That's down. That's a really good number. But you know what? I was mad. I was actually MAD that it went down, and I did nothing. At all. It just decided to go down. I should not be angry about this, but I am.
My presentation to my Pharmacology study group was tonight. I was nervous. I had to balance the information and the time. As I'm going through the require information, I kept giving things that were not highlighted in the professors notes, but will be really important in the practical setting. My presentation partner kept saying, "but we don't need to know this! This isn't going to be on the exam!" I had to really hold my tongue. I kept a level head, but it was hard. After giving the required information, I had a sheet with some bullet points that I titled "what every type one diabetic wants you to know." I talked about some of the misconceptions, and included most of your suggestions. I thought it went fairly well considering how nervous I was. Later, after the group meeting, I saw one of my group members, and she mentions to my friend that I went "on a rampage" during our meeting. I was dumbfounded. I did not raise my voice. I simply told them what I thought they should know. I put it in the context that I have had many of these things said to me, and I would like to make sure that they, as health care providers, did not make the same mistakes that would loose the respect and trust of their patients. I did not think I ranted or rampaged. Now, I'm afraid that the whole group thinks I'm a raging lunatic. Don't they get this is my entire life? This is what I eat, think and breathe all the time, every day? This is my life people! Of course I'm passionate about it!!!!!! I live and will die by this disease! I am so angry that she actually said that to me.
As I was thinking about how I needed to write this all out, I opened up blogger to post this. It would not let me sign on until I upgraded to the new blogger. Again, I felt anger rising within me. What if I don't want to upgrade? I' m just learning the old blogger! I don't want to learn a new one! I just want to write a freaking post!
I am an angry person. This is what all the stress has done to me. It makes me angry that I haven't been below 200 all day long, and that I have to change my site. It makes me angry that my suitemate asks the most ridiculous questions over and over again. It makes me angry that people are so stupid. It all makes me so angry, and I don't want to take it any more! UUGGHH!!!

What would you want them to know?

Once again, I want your input on something. If you had an opportunity to tell your future nurses anything you wanted about diabetes and its care, what would you like them to know?
One of my classes this semester is Pharmacology. I am in a study group with 5 other nursing students. The next chapter is on medications for the treatment for diabetes. I am taking this golden opportunity to educate the nurses of tomorrow. I'm having trouble figuring out which information is the most important. I thought I would get the opinions of other diabetics (or people with diabetes, depending on who you are :-) ). What are the biggest things nurses/doctors do that annoy you in reference to diabetes? What should they know? What do they "know" that needs to be unlearned? Basically, like the title says: What do you want them to know?