Thursday, April 19, 2007

Coping

I seemed to have lost you since I stopped posting about diabetes related stuff. Believe me, there is plenty going on. From the fact that my insurance company said I couldn't get any test strips this month because I got too many last month (I've got it partially straighted out), to my bottomless exercise induced lows, to the enduring stress highs. They are all going on, but right now, it isn't top priority in my life like it is sometimes. Right now, I am scared. Not of complications and not of lows. I am scared because Monday an armed gunman killed 32 people on his college campus. He had two hours between his attacks to prepare and ship a package. The rest of the campus was not warned. They went about their business, and some of them were killed later because of it. Now, copy cat acts are springing up all over the place. A friend's high school was shut down today because a student had bomb making equipment in his locker, and planned to use it tomorrow at an all school assembly. Another local community college is shut down for the rest of the week because of a death threat on a professor. There are many more. The possibility that I might not be safe on my own campus is something that never occurred to me. I never thought this would happen in college. People grow up, and grow past their teenage problems, at least many of us do. This is supposed to happen here. The pictures of that man pointing guns at the camera sends chills down my spine. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have that gun pointed at ME. I realize that it is paranoid and unreasonable, but I have found myself wondering what I would do if a gunman entered my campus. Many classrooms have glass doors. There is no way to barricade against those. I found myself anxious about going into the basement of our library today, because there are no windows to flee through. Like I said, I realize these thoughts are irrational, but this is what this tragedy has done to me. Tomorrow, I will wear Orange and Maroon in honor of those who lost their lives. I will heal, I will move on, but I will always remember.

4 comments:

Kerri said...

Jen,

You haven't lost us - I'm still reading.

And I completely understand why you would feel so scared. Everyone is reeling from this and people's responses run the gamut.

I'm thinking of you, and of everyone else who is in school. These are tough times, indeed.

Jen said...

Thanks Kerri,
That wasn't meant to be a critism on the OC.
Please know that I'm going about my normal routine. My perspective has just changed a little. I am using this blog for what it was created for: venting feelings. They are just not diabetes related right now.

Kassie said...

The fear is so hard to manage, especially right now. We're all fighting the urge to live under a rock at the moment! I hate that people are so scared, that this hit so close. It certainly has changed a lot of perspectives!

Penny said...

I'm still reading too.

I think it's only normal to feel scared. I'm scared because Holden will be going off to college in 2 years and the fact that something like this could happen has never crossed my mind.

What's so hard is the senselessness of it all. It didn't have to happen. I'm not blaming anyone at the college, I'm blaming the shooter. He is the only one responsible for killing those people.

But, if he was going to take his own life, why didn't he start there? Why did he have to take so many down with him?

We'll never have the answers and maybe that's why this is so hard.

But, we, unlike others, will have tomorrow. And, we need to make the best of that.