Thursday, February 16, 2006


Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like a failure? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was my first day back to class after Winter Break. I woke up really, really early. Our room was a million degrees. I changed my clothes and went back to bed. I didn't check my blood sugar. Strike one. I got up for class a little early to study for my chem quiz. I didn't really end up studying, but I wasn't really that worried about it. Strike two. As I was about to leave for class, I realized I didn't do an assignment for my Psyc class. I ran downstairs, and quickly fill in the answers off the CD. Strike three. It's a good thing I was going to class early. I got to my first class of the day, chemistry and got my first exam back. I got an 80 %. Not horrific, but I thought it was easy. Strike four. I sit down, and the prof tells everyone to pass their homework in. The homework I knew nothing about, because I never bothered to double check the website. Strike five. In my 10 minute break between chem and psyc, I realize I hadn't eaten anything yet that day, and I was starving. Strike six.. I look in my backpack and I have nothing to eat. Strike seven. Later, I go to my anatomy class. I get yet another exam back, and I got a 77%. That one hurt. Strike eight. He ended up adding 2 points, so it was really a 79. That exam was killer, and everyone did badly.
8 strikes, and the day was only half over. Who is going to throw me out of the game? Please I could use a nap! I also realized yesterday I was taking crappy care of myself. Yeah, that's a bad sentence, but I don't care. I checked myself 4 times yesterday. yes, only 4. I ate pizza, and didn't do an extended bolus. I went about 8 hours at one point without checking. And you know what? I don't really care. I'm trying to do better today, but yesterday, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't tackle the brain memory to test every few hours, to remember to bolus before I ate (I am really bad at that) and to figure out how much I was going to drop that night.
Ahhh. That felt good. I, in a sense, got my day off. It was a crappy day overall. I wouldn't want to repeat it, but it's over now. Yes, I suck. But I'm OK with that.
It's the weekend in 2 days, and spring break in 28.


Andrea said...

Hey, you are NOT a failure and you do NOT suck :( . You're human, just like anyone please stop beating yourself up.

Sometimes it's really difficult to put all our effort and focus on managing this disease. Our lives aren't just about having Diabetes- there's a lot more to life than just that.

When things tend to be a little more stress inducing, we let things slip. However, as long as your aware and make an effort to get back on track, that's what is important :)

Take care! :) :) :)

Shannon said...

People without diabetes take crappy care of themselves and they don't have half the resposibility of someone with diabetes.

I like your attitude. Just start over the next day.

Make Spring Break reach you swiftly and last a looong time :)

Scott K. Johnson said...

I agree with andrea 100% Some days are just full of stressors, and our DB efforts can tend to take a back seat.

No biggie - we have lots of days ahead to practice getting it right (or at least better).

And as shannon said - just get back in the saddle and start over again the next day.