Thursday, February 16, 2006

Failure

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like a failure? Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was my first day back to class after Winter Break. I woke up really, really early. Our room was a million degrees. I changed my clothes and went back to bed. I didn't check my blood sugar. Strike one. I got up for class a little early to study for my chem quiz. I didn't really end up studying, but I wasn't really that worried about it. Strike two. As I was about to leave for class, I realized I didn't do an assignment for my Psyc class. I ran downstairs, and quickly fill in the answers off the CD. Strike three. It's a good thing I was going to class early. I got to my first class of the day, chemistry and got my first exam back. I got an 80 %. Not horrific, but I thought it was easy. Strike four. I sit down, and the prof tells everyone to pass their homework in. The homework I knew nothing about, because I never bothered to double check the website. Strike five. In my 10 minute break between chem and psyc, I realize I hadn't eaten anything yet that day, and I was starving. Strike six.. I look in my backpack and I have nothing to eat. Strike seven. Later, I go to my anatomy class. I get yet another exam back, and I got a 77%. That one hurt. Strike eight. He ended up adding 2 points, so it was really a 79. That exam was killer, and everyone did badly.
8 strikes, and the day was only half over. Who is going to throw me out of the game? Please I could use a nap! I also realized yesterday I was taking crappy care of myself. Yeah, that's a bad sentence, but I don't care. I checked myself 4 times yesterday. yes, only 4. I ate pizza, and didn't do an extended bolus. I went about 8 hours at one point without checking. And you know what? I don't really care. I'm trying to do better today, but yesterday, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't tackle the brain memory to test every few hours, to remember to bolus before I ate (I am really bad at that) and to figure out how much I was going to drop that night.
Ahhh. That felt good. I, in a sense, got my day off. It was a crappy day overall. I wouldn't want to repeat it, but it's over now. Yes, I suck. But I'm OK with that.
It's the weekend in 2 days, and spring break in 28.

3 comments:

Andrea said...

Hey, you are NOT a failure and you do NOT suck :( . You're human, just like anyone else....so please stop beating yourself up.

Sometimes it's really difficult to put all our effort and focus on managing this disease. Our lives aren't just about having Diabetes- there's a lot more to life than just that.

When things tend to be a little more stress inducing, we let things slip. However, as long as your aware and make an effort to get back on track, that's what is important :)

Take care! :) :) :)

Shannon said...

People without diabetes take crappy care of themselves and they don't have half the resposibility of someone with diabetes.

I like your attitude. Just start over the next day.

Make Spring Break reach you swiftly and last a looong time :)

Scott K. Johnson said...

I agree with andrea 100% Some days are just full of stressors, and our DB efforts can tend to take a back seat.

No biggie - we have lots of days ahead to practice getting it right (or at least better).

And as shannon said - just get back in the saddle and start over again the next day.